IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend
Obesity is one of the major issues in developing countries as the majority of young
kids
 are affected and the numbers are very alarming as it is increased by 20% over the
last
 decade.unhealthy eating habits and the
parents
' negligence are the reason behind
this
 and
as a result
 decrease like diabetes, and high blood pressure is increasingly spreading especially among the young generation.In
this
 ,
Add an article
an
the
show examples
essay I will argue that unhealthy eating habit is the major reason behind obesity in young
kids
.
Firstly
,Processed
food
 and fast
food
 nowadays are very popular with young
kids
 and
due to
 their rich lifestyles they do not have any barriers and most
kids
 are affordable to pay without any hesitation. And
also
due to
 their busy lifestyle
parents
 do not have any time to prepare proper meals for their
kids
 and
instead
 of providing them healthy meals most
parents
 are giving them money to have their meals in fancy restaurants.
For instance
, a survey conducted by famous magazine young
kids
 aged between eight to fifteen never use to have home cook
food
 during college lunch break.
however
, these are not only the cause other reasons for
lack
 of exercise and physical activities,
due to
 addiction to social media and gaming young
kids
 are not involved in any activities these days
On the other hand
,Decease is a major challenge for their
parents
 as most overweight children are diagnosed with diabetes or another sickness
such
 as fatty liver and high blood pressure,
also
 studies show that most overweight
kids
lack
 patience and not performing well in school, In conclusion, eating unhealthy
food
 and
lack
 of physical activities are major reasons and on the other ,hand parent's
lack
 of knowledge and not caring well their
kids
 are diagnosing diseases are farming for our Western society.
Submitted by ixionks on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: