IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that computers and the Internet are important in children's study, but others think that students can learn more effectively in schools and with teachers. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #computers #internet #children #study #students #schools #teachers
The given graph compares the
population
size
,
birth
 and mortality rate of England and Wales over a
three hundred-year
Add a hyphen
three-hundred-year
show examples
 period between 1700 and 2000.
Overall
, the
population
size
 showed an upward
trend
,
whereas
 the
birth
 and death
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 showed a
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
trend
. The
birth
 and death rate followed a similar
trend
 over the
two hundred fifty-year
Add a hyphen
two-hundred-fifty-year
show examples
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
 between 1700 and 1950. In 1700
birth
 and death rates stood at 27 and 30 per 1000 people respectively. And
then
 both of them rose considerably to 36 and 40 by 1750, after that they remained constant for fifty years until 1800. During the next one hundred years both of them dropped remarkably to 20 and 23.
Population
Correct article usage
The population
show examples
size
trend
 started at 3 in 1700 and
then
 it had a gradual increase in people to 10 by 1750. In 1750 it stood at 10 for over
fifty-year
Correct article usage
a fifty-year
show examples
 period until 1800. After that
population
size
 jumped remarkably to 35 by 1900. During the next one hundred years the
trend
 had a rapid rise to 50.
Submitted by telo3454 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: