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Writing Samples
Band 7

Music has always been and continues to be the universal language of mankind. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#music #language #mankind
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Languages are the techniques by which mankind communicates with each other.
However
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, the problem remains
due to
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 the inability to use the languages from various countries.
Nonetheless
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,
music
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 breaks the rules and boundaries that restrict
people
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's ability to express their ideas. I definitely agree with the statement and will elaborate on it in the essay. One of the most compelling aspects of
music
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 is its emotional power.
This
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 power is what allows
music
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 to resonate with listeners across the globe, moving them in ways that words often cannot. Each rhythm and lyric is infused with intention and meaning, making
music
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 a universal
language
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 that speaks directly to the heart. Consider K-pop
Music
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 as an example. Most
people
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 may not understand Korean, but the emotional impact of K-pop's catchy and appealing melodies is universal.
Consequently
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, it is evident that the emotional connection allows
music
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 to bridge the
language
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 gap and provide the same value to
people
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 from different cultures. Another reason is that
music
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 can be acquired effortlessly, making everyone feel included in a global community. The widespread use of the Internet has made it convenient to listen to
music
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.
For example
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, YouTube is a tool that allows
people
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 to connect with
music
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 from all over the world quickly.
Moreover
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, the choices are varied and distinct, catering to the diverse tastes of our global community.
Thus
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, it becomes clear that the straightforward acquisition of
music
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 underscores the significance of
this
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 view.
While
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 some proponents disagree with the statement that
music
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 is a universal
language
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 and argue that
music
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 cannot diminish the
language
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 communication barrier,
this
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 perspective is flawed for several reasons.” Primarily, it fails to acknowledge how much influence
music
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 brings to society, which is a crucial aspect that cannot be overlooked.
For example
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, there is no need to understand Korean to listen to K-pop
music
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, which contradicts the opposing argument.
Therefore
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, the argument that
music
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 cannot be substituted for the
language
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 of mankind is inherently weak and does not hold up to scrutiny. In conclusion, the evidence presented above supports the assertion that
music
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 has become a widespread
language
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due to
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 its emotional appeal and accessibility on the Internet. Moving forward,
music
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 must remain a
language
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 for modern
people
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, as
this
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 will ensure the communication of various backgrounds and communities.
Submitted by cba8887 on

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task and presents a clear argument. However, it can be further improved by providing more detailed and varied examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mentioning different music genres or cultural events could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are presented clearly, but ensuring each is fully developed will make your argument more compelling. Consider providing more details or discussing potential counterarguments in greater depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. To enhance coherence, make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one to the next. Using linking words or phrases can help maintain a seamless flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are well-supported with specific and relevant examples. Providing more evidence or detailed explanations can make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument. The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The points you raised are well-thought-out and clearly presented. You effectively use examples, such as the reference to K-pop music, to support your argument.
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