The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved.Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lession in the school curriculum.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
contemporary epoch,a greater section of society suffering from obesity.
Therefore
,they are more prone to have co-morbidities
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
diabetes,high blood pressure and thyroid.
Consequently
,
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
deal of doctors
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
occupied to treat
obesed
Correct your spelling
obese
obsessed
people.
However
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of inhabitants
opines
Correct subject-verb agreement
opine
show examples
that to curb
this
health hazard ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
must add a
sports
subject in school.
Thus
,
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
Correct your spelling
children
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
become aware
Change preposition
of
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
their health
Change preposition
at
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young age .I partially agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the given notion .
This
essay will
further
elaborate my view with relatable examples.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
children
are like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
raw clay, parents and leaders can
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
them in their desired steps.
Firstly
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young age
children
are more curious to explore exotic food in their snacks and diet.
Additionally
,they are physically more active in their teenage,as they do not have any responsibilities of family and finance.
Hence
,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
system can easily make
children
aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
of physical fitness and
Correct pronoun usage
its benifits
show examples
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
by engaging
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
in outdoor
sports
. To cite an example, school management should give instructions to
sports
teachers to add extra curriculum activities
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
their academic schedule.
Such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
swimming, cricket,
volleyball
Correct word choice
and volleyball
show examples
. By playing
sports
,
children
not only gain strength but
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
improve their results in studies notably,as their concentration increases.
On the contrary
, in
this
fast- paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
life ,both parents have to work to meet
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
both ends.
As a result
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
lead
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. Henceforth,lack of
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
and
nutrition
Replace the word
nutrient
show examples
rich food they usually can not make it at home because they are sort on time and
this
is
prime
Add an article
the prime
a prime
show examples
cause of weight gain .
Nevertheless
,
besides
physical
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
diet plays a vital role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
cop -
weight
Change preposition
with weight
show examples
gain
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
.
Subsequently
,
council
Add an article
the council
show examples
must organise some free Nutrition seminar.
for
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
example, every fifteen days school management should organise
"
Correct article usage
an "eat
show examples
eat - fit
Correct your spelling
eat-fit
show examples
" seminar,in which
Correct article usage
a dietician
show examples
dietician
Fix the agreement mistake
dieticians
show examples
suggest what parents can give to their
children
in
mid morning
Add a hyphen
mid-morning
show examples
and evening snacks.
Moreover
,make them aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
macro and
micro nutrients
Correct your spelling
micronutrients
show examples
.
To conclude
,it is
undeniable
Add an article
the undeniable
an undeniable
show examples
conviction that
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
will keep a person physically
as well as
mentally fit.
Nonetheless
, they must have a look
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their regular diet to stay away from
put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
on extra
killos
Correct your spelling
kilos
.
Submitted by zarnap302 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: