The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved.Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lession in the school curriculum.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
contemporary epoch,a greater section of society suffering from obesity.Therefore
,they are more prone to have co-morbidities such
as ,
diabetes,high blood pressure and thyroid.
Remove the comma
apply
Consequently
,great
deal of doctors Add an article
a great
are
occupied to treat Change the verb form
is
obesed
people. Correct your spelling
obese
obsessed
However
, majority
of inhabitants Correct article usage
the majority
opines
that to curb Correct subject-verb agreement
opine
this
health hazard , government
must add a Add an article
the government
sports
subject in school. Thus
, Correct your spelling
children
Correct your spelling
children
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
become aware Correct your spelling
children
Change preposition
of
Change preposition
of
about
their health Change the preposition
of
Change preposition
at
in
young age .I partially agree Change preposition
at
to
the given notion .Change preposition
with
This
essay will further
elaborate my view with relatable examples.
To begin
with
Add a comma
,with
children
are like a
raw clay, parents and leaders can Correct article usage
apply
mold
them in their desired steps.Change the spelling
mould
Firstly
,in
young age Change preposition
at
children
are more curious to explore exotic food in their snacks and diet. Additionally
,they are physically more active in their teenage,as they do not have any responsibilities of family and finance. Hence
, education
system can easily make Add an article
the education
children
aware about
Change preposition
of
importance
of physical fitness and Add an article
the importance
Correct pronoun usage
its benifits
benifits
by engaging Correct your spelling
benefits
themselves
in outdoor Correct pronoun usage
them
sports
. To cite an example, school management should give instructions to sports
teachers to add extra curriculum activities in
their academic schedule. Change preposition
to
Such
as ,
swimming, cricket, Remove the comma
apply
volleyball
. By playing Correct word choice
and volleyball
sports
,children
not only gain strength but also
they
improve their results in studies notably,as their concentration increases.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
On the contrary
, in this
fast- paced
life ,both parents have to work to meet Correct your spelling
fast-paced
their
both ends. Correct pronoun usage
apply
As a result
, majority
Correct article usage
the majority
people
lead Change preposition
of people
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
lifestyle
. Henceforth,lack of Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
healthy
and Replace the word
health
nutrition
rich food they usually can not make it at home because they are sort on time and Replace the word
nutrient
this
is prime
cause of weight gain . Add an article
the prime
a prime
Nevertheless
, besides
physical excercise
, Correct your spelling
exercise
healthy
diet plays a vital role Correct article usage
a healthy
to
cop - Change preposition
in
weight
gain Change preposition
with weight
issue
. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
Subsequently
,council
must organise some free
Nutrition seminar.Add an article
the council
for
example, every fifteen days school management should organise Correct your spelling
For
"
Correct article usage
an "eat
eat - fit
" seminar,in which Correct your spelling
eat-fit
Correct article usage
a dietician
dietician
suggest what parents can give to their Fix the agreement mistake
dieticians
children
in mid morning
and evening snacks. Add a hyphen
mid-morning
Moreover
,make them aware about
macro and Change preposition
of
micro nutrients
.
Correct your spelling
micronutrients
To conclude
,it is undeniable
conviction that Add an article
the undeniable
an undeniable
excercise
will keep a person physically Correct your spelling
exercise
as well as
mentally fit. Nonetheless
, they must have a look in
their regular diet to stay away from Change preposition
at
put
on extra Change the verb form
putting
killos
.Correct your spelling
kilos
Submitted by zarnap302 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!