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Band 6.5

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live
#information #country #birth #people #australia #countries
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The pie chart illustrates the country of born of
people
Use synonyms
 residing in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and the table depicts where
people
Use synonyms
 live in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 or urban
areas
Use synonyms
 depending on the
birth
Use synonyms
 of these countries.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Australia
Use synonyms
 is the highest leading country. At the same time, the Netherlands is the least country with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 preferred to live in cities than live in the countryside.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, China which is accounted for 2% of the
birth
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in that 99% of the
people
Use synonyms
 liked to live in urban
areas
Use synonyms
, and merely 1%
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in rural range. Meanwhile, in the Netherlands with just 1% of
people
Use synonyms
’s
birth
Use synonyms
 in which 90% of
people
Use synonyms
 reside in cities, and only 10% of
people
Use synonyms
 lived in the countryside.
In addition
Linking Words
, in New Zealand, 80% of
people
Use synonyms
 live in urban
areas
Use synonyms
, which is the lowest compared to other countries, whilst 20% of
people
Use synonyms
 lived in village
areas
Use synonyms
, which is the highest number of
people
Use synonyms
 living in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 concerning the rest of the other countries. In
Australia
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, 73% of the
birth
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 reside in
Australia
Use synonyms
 of which 83% live in cities
while
Linking Words
 17% live in rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by itsnotanhtran on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, areas, birth with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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