The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants

#bar #numbers #men #women #courses #adult #education #centre #information #ages #course #participants

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The bar

chart

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illustrates the numbers of males and females who attended different evening classes at an adult school and the second

chart

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compares the age profile of the attendees.

Overall

Linking Words

, it is evident that, more

women

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than

men

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engaged in the evening program. It can

also

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be seen that the majority, of

course

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, participants were older adults.

According to

Linking Words

the bar

chart

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, language was by far the most popular

course

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at the centre ,

Linking Words

Correct word choice

and

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however

Add a comma

,however

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the numbers of

women

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offering the program were twice the number of

men

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. The painting was the second significant

course

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as it attracted almost similar numbers of both

men

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and

women

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, 25 males and 30 females. The sculpture was the least significant

course

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Linking Words

however

Add a comma

,however

show examples

it was very popular among

men

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than

women

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, as

men

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reading sculpture figures was approximately as doubled as the figure for

women

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. With regards to the pie

chart

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, evening studies were very popular among the elderly. People of 50 and over and 40-49 were the majority who attended the evening school, accounting for 42% and 26% respectively.

Whereas

Linking Words

individuals of the ages 20-29 and 30-39 moderately participated in the evening classes as each recorded a rate lesser than a fifth. ,

Linking Words

Furthermore

Add a comma

,Furthermore

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the evening programme was less important for young people under 20 years as just 5% of the entire evening class population were within that age group.

Submitted by yeboahsamuellaabban on Thu Apr 06 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, women, men, course with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

226 words

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The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants

Some cities ban private cars from entering the centre and force people to use bicycles and buses. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, owning a home rether than renting one is very important for people

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam’’ How true do you think this statement is? What are measures can the government take to discourage people from using their cars?

In many countries, people are not looking care of their elderly relatives but seeking help of professionals to look after them. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?