The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants
The bar
chart
illustrates the numbers of males and females who attended different evening classes at an adult school and the second
chart
compares the age profile of the attendees.
Overall
, it is evident that, more
women
than
men
engaged in the evening program. It can
also
be seen that the majority, of
course
, participants were older adults.
According to
the bar
chart
, language was by far the most popular
course
at the centre ,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
the numbers of
women
offering the program were twice the number of
men
. The painting was the second significant
course
as it attracted almost similar numbers of both
men
and
women
, 25 males and 30 females. The sculpture was the least significant
course
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
it was very popular among
men
than
women
, as
men
reading sculpture figures was approximately as doubled as the figure for
women
. With regards to the pie
chart
, evening studies were very popular among the elderly. People of 50 and over and 40-49 were the majority who attended the evening school, accounting for 42% and 26% respectively.
Whereas
individuals of the ages 20-29 and 30-39 moderately participated in the evening classes as each recorded a rate lesser than a fifth. ,
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
the evening programme was less important for young people under 20 years as just 5% of the entire evening class population were within that age group.
Submitted by yeboahsamuellaabban on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, women, men, course with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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