I.Currently, an increasing number of people compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems do this cause? What are the possible solutions for this?

Recently, heightened competition between
age
groups for jobs has led to the early retirement of capable senior
employees
and the demoralization of younger
job
seekers. To mitigate these issues, creating mentoring roles for older
workers
and implementing systems to provide information on current
job
distributions are effective strategies.
First,
intense
job
market competition leads to the underutilization of skilled senior
workers
and potential young
employees
, demotivating young
job
seekers. Early retirements among capable senior
workers
are increasing because of insufficient
job
openings for
this
age
group, which demotivates young people, as they see senior
workers
retiring solely based on
age
.
For instance
, in Japanese IT companies, lifetime employment often forces companies to choose between early retirement or promotion for senior
employees
reaching a certain
age
. These decisions are typically not based on clear standards, resulting in the premature departure of valuable
workers
, which demotivates younger
employees
who witness the unjust
job
losses of their superiors.
Second,
these issues arise
due to
a shortage of positions to accommodate
workers
;
thus
, new roles should be created, particularly those focused on educating and training junior
employees
.
Additionally
, providing young undergraduates with accurate
job
distribution data and government-backed
job
assurances before they enter the
job
market would positively impact various companies and
workers
across generations.
For example
,
whereas
Indian system engineers are globally recognized for their skills, few work in Japan despite the growing demand for system engineers there. Advertising
job
offers internationally will help skilled engineers secure employment.
Finally
, in conclusion,
although
there are many
job
losers and
job
refugees because of severe
job
-achieving competition, these problems can be solved by the education system for fresh
workers
and proper advertisement for
job
seekers in the future.
Submitted by kana_ayaki on

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task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the problems and possible solutions effectively. However, ensure that each idea is consistently developed with more specific examples to strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure, more explicit topic sentences and clear transitions between paragraphs will enhance coherence. This will ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay does a good job of presenting a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant examples, particularly the references to Japanese and Indian job markets.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
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