I.Currently, an increasing number of people compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems do this cause? What are the possible solutions for this?
Recently, heightened competition between
age
groups for jobs has led to the early retirement of capable senior employees
and the demoralization of younger job
seekers. To mitigate these issues, creating mentoring roles for older workers
and implementing systems to provide information on current job
distributions are effective strategies.
First,
intense job
market competition leads to the underutilization of skilled senior workers
and potential young employees
, demotivating young job
seekers. Early retirements among capable senior workers
are increasing because of insufficient job
openings for this
age
group, which demotivates young people, as they see senior workers
retiring solely based on age
. For instance
, in Japanese IT companies, lifetime employment often forces companies to choose between early retirement or promotion for senior employees
reaching a certain age
. These decisions are typically not based on clear standards, resulting in the premature departure of valuable workers
, which demotivates younger employees
who witness the unjust job
losses of their superiors.
Second,
these issues arise due to
a shortage of positions to accommodate workers
; thus
, new roles should be created, particularly those focused on educating and training junior employees
. Additionally
, providing young undergraduates with accurate job
distribution data and government-backed job
assurances before they enter the job
market would positively impact various companies and workers
across generations. For example
, whereas
Indian system engineers are globally recognized for their skills, few work in Japan despite the growing demand for system engineers there. Advertising job
offers internationally will help skilled engineers secure employment.
Finally
, in conclusion, although
there are many job
losers and job
refugees because of severe job
-achieving competition, these problems can be solved by the education system for fresh workers
and proper advertisement for job
seekers in the future.Submitted by kana_ayaki on
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task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the problems and possible solutions effectively. However, ensure that each idea is consistently developed with more specific examples to strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure, more explicit topic sentences and clear transitions between paragraphs will enhance coherence. This will ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay does a good job of presenting a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant examples, particularly the references to Japanese and Indian job markets.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...