IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Science is very important in the 21st century. How do you think it could be made more appealing to young people?

#science #st #century #people
Science
 is a major factor of influence in our everyday
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
, from home
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 to school and various offices. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will elaborate on ways that it can be made more attractive to the youth. First and foremost,
science
 can be incorporated
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 cartoons and other
learning based
Add a hyphen
learning-based
show examples
 programs organized for toddlers and children. In
this
 respect, they tend to develop
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 love for
science
 as they mature.
For instance
, a television program organized by the Ghana education service, on how to read and pronounce words has been beneficial since most of
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 youngsters who watch these programs are fluent in reading.
However
,
this
 same method can be applied to
science
, to
held
Correct your spelling
help
show examples
 children develop
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
 in it.
Furthermore
, introducing competitions with great
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 and scholarships on
science
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will appeal
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 youth to study more
science related
Add a hyphen
science-related
show examples
 courses. In
this
 view, when these competitions are held right from the basic level of education to college and the notice participants are being rewarded, they would be attracted to it and
hence
joining
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
 the
science
 class and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 them
serious
Replace the word
seriously
show examples
. In conclusion, inspire
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 not all young people have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 interest in
science
 but other aspects. I stand by the view that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 incorporating
science
 into television programs for children and organizing
science
 competitions with attractive rewards, will make it more appealing for the younger generation.
Submitted by ashieelizabeth96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: