IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph below explains how many
shops
Use synonyms
 have been closed and new
shops
Use synonyms
 have been opened in one country from 2011 to 2018. The
number
Use synonyms
 of closing and opening of
shops
Use synonyms
 has significantly experienced a downward trend
as well as
Linking Words
 an upward trend during the mentioned period of
Use synonyms
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
. In 2011, around 6000 and above
shops
Use synonyms
 were closed and around 8000 and above new
shops
Use synonyms
 were opened. Till next
year
Use synonyms
, the closed
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 decreased to around 6000 and below,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
new
Change the adjective
newly
show examples
 opened
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 faced a huge fall to around 4000 and below. In the meantime, the new open
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 had a rapid growth in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2013 and 2014
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
crossed 6000
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
. The closed
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
crossed 7000 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2013, but in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2014 and
2015
Add a comma
,2015
show examples
 they faced a huge fall where they reached 1000 and below
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
. During the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2016 and 2017, there was a slight change in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2018,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 closed
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 were around 5000 or more,
whereas
Linking Words
 the newly opened
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 around 3000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, number, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 10 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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