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Band 2

Teenagers are spending too much time on computers and this will lead to a severe problem in their mental and physical health. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#teenagers #time #computers #health
There are enough discussions about the internet. Some have argued that because
people
 are surfing too much
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tjme
Correct your spelling
time
 on
computers
 but it is not good
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their mental and physical health. From my perspective, I
agre
Correct your spelling
agree
this
this
Remove the redundancy
apply
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proposal.
This
 essay will
demostrate
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
 why its proponents are correct. On the one hand,
computers
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 lead in order to a severe problem
in
Change preposition
with
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 their eyes because they too much look at the
computers
 not glasses. If
people
 use too much from the
computers
,
then
 they need a doctor.
On the other hand
 when
people
 need a computer, if they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not it will lead to severe
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in their family because young
people
 ask their parents but they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough money
then
 it will be a big problem. Some young
people
 learn subjects on the
internet
Correct your spelling
Internet
show examples
 so they prefer
computers
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 books.
To conclude
, considering the aforementioned points, it can be inferred that
people
 not often
to
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apply
show examples
use and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 spend their time on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
 and other internet websites.
Submitted by brookland.school.uzb on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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