IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?-

#technologies #children #time #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in the activities of
children
Use synonyms
 around the world.
Although
Linking Words
 it provides
entertainment
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
. I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits because they may have a negative
impact
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
’s
health
Use synonyms
, development, and socialization.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the main reason is that high
technology
Use synonyms
 provides
entertainment
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
.
Technology
Use synonyms
 can engage and interact with the younger generation because it provides an interactive experience that results in
children
Use synonyms
 having attention and spending their free
time
Use synonyms
 using
technology
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study found that most
children
Use synonyms
 in Thailand use online platforms to kill boring
time
Use synonyms
, as they believed that online platforms could provide
entertainment
Use synonyms
 for them.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that using
technology
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
 has a negative
impact
Use synonyms
 on their
health
Use synonyms
 and well-being.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the greatest drawbacks of using
technology
Use synonyms
impact
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
’s
health
Use synonyms
 and socialization skills. Using
technology
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones, for a long
time
Use synonyms
 may lead to an increase in the risk of isolation, social anxiety, and mental heal issues in
children
Use synonyms
 because when they use social media, they may compare themselves to others which leads to feelings of social isolation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 spend too much
time
Use synonyms
 on
technology
Use synonyms
, they may miss out on opportunities for face-to-face interaction with family and friends.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to difficulties in maintaining social skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, most
children
Use synonyms
 who overuse social media tend to be embarrassed when talking face-to-face, as found in recent research.
Hence
Linking Words
, I’m of the opinion that overusing
technology
Use synonyms
 when
children
Use synonyms
 have free
time
Use synonyms
 has too many disadvantages. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 provides
entertainment
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
, it can lead to a negative
impact
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
’s
health
Use synonyms
 and social skills. For these reasons, the negatives far outnumber the positives.
Submitted by pear_chanok on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: