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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the current world, technology can be noticed in every detail of a routine. Introducing
computers
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 and their programs into classrooms is a complicated debate. Some people believe they will bring benefits,
while
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 others think they are a risk to
students
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. In
this
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 essay,
this
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 issue will be discussed and I will present my way of seeing
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, it is widely known how easier our lives become with electronic devices. Studying with laptops, tablets and online tools can be an enjoyable experience.
According to
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this
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,
computers
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 should be introduced into schools to improve the learning process.
For instance
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, a boring book can be converted into a funny moment with cartoons and sounds.
As a consequence
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, the
students
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 will memorize and understand better the story than reading the text.
Therefore
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, using IT devices in the classrooms can make the teaching method more interesting and increase the learners’ understanding, as has already been proved by some scientific studies from Harvard.
On the other hand
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,
computers
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 can be eye-catching, especially for the youngest. The main disadvantage of
this
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 is the distraction that they can cause in the
students
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.
For example
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, they can not pay attention anymore to teachers
due to
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 screen addiction. Sadly, not learning properly during school periods can result in an inattentive individual, who will lose some opportunities in the future.
Thus
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, is crucial to find a balance between these views, considering all advantages that the technology can bring. In summary,
although
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 there are risks of using
computers
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 in classrooms, the benefits surpass the drawbacks. I believe that establishing clear time limits, setting usage rules and providing instruction on appropriate computer use are essential to fostering engaged and intelligent
students
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider providing a clearer overview in the introduction outlining what both sides will be discussed more specifically.
Task Achievement
In the body paragraphs, ensure to consistently develop your ideas with clear topic sentences and connect your examples back to the main argument effectively.
Task Achievement
It might enhance your essay to consider addressing counterarguments more thoroughly to showcase a deeper analysis of both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a balanced view and effectively summarizes the discussion in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples that illustrate your points, making your argument more relatable and persuasive.
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