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Band 6

Advertising influence people to buy things such as clothes and shoes. What are the problems caused by that? What solution should be given?

#influence #people #clothes #shoes
Today, we often witness attractive advertisements across all media channels, which promote the sale of new merchandise.
Subsequently
,
this
 leads a few individuals
into buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 goods impulsively, which they never intended to purchase, which results in financial distress.
This
 essay discusses the solution to
this
 situation.
Firstly
, brands actively advertise attractive lifestyles that every individual wants to be part of, which many tend to follow as a new trend, so they don't feel left out.
This
 is evident
according to
 Addidas, a sports brand often endorsed by celebrities, that advertises football players
such
 as Lionel Messi to promote its new shoe lineup, which supporters end up purchasing to look like their idol. Often, prices of these promoted commodities are marked up comparatively higher than that of other products and its promotions are attractive, which mostly results in a poor buying decision made by the consumer, often leading many into a debt trap, a condition where an individual uses his credit card to pay for his another credit card. When an individual makes a decision to buy a product that he can't afford, it is considered to be a poor buying decision, which
subsequently
 results in financial distress.
This
 situation can easily be avoided by allocating specific budgets to different areas of interest, which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 a person to enjoy his activity in accordance with his income in a financially stable manner. To illustrate, I plan a monthly budget of 10% of my income on shopping for clothes, which allows me to purchase an item from my favourite brand every month, without hurting my savings and investments. In conclusion, if an individual is able to budget his finances in an orderly fashion
according to
this
 income, he can safeguard himself from making poor purchasing decisions.
Submitted by rajitmadhar1299 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need more clarity and focus. Ensure that each paragraph serves a clear purpose and contributes to the overall argument.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the prompt but lacks depth and thorough analysis. Provide more detailed examples and analysis to support the points made in the essay.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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