IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions?

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Some individuals hold the opinion that companies can greatly benefit from hiring staff who are motivated by
money
Use synonyms
, as they tend to be more diligent. In my opinion,
money
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 always plays an important role in motivating
people
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 to do their
work
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.
However
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,
money
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 is not the only factor that encourages
people
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’s hard
work
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. I will discuss possible factors that help
people
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 concentrate on their jobs,
as well as
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 some conditions that need to be considered when recruiting staff. I concur that the potential income from a
job
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 motivates
people
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. On the one hand, individuals choose to
work
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 primarily to improve their financial situation, as it ensures a basic standard of living for their families.
For instance
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, everyone takes responsibility for taking care of parents or educating children. Life needs
money
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, so a good salary can be a driving force for hard
work
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.
On the other hand
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,
money
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 is not the only reason for hard
work
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.
People
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 not only consider salary but
also
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 think about other things
such
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 as their ideal profession,
job
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 satisfaction, coworkers, and whether the
job
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 can help develop their professional abilities. Companies need to consider several factors when conducting
candidate
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 investigations.
Firstly
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, companies should observe each
candidate
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's personality and screen out those who exhibit positive traits
such
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 as punctuality, honesty, a positive attitude, and self-confidence. They should
also
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 hire candidates who have good characteristics and are willing to help others.
Additionally
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, candidates with good communication skills can better adapt to the
work
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 environment.
Secondly
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, the interviewer should choose the
candidate
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 who is suitable for the recruitment position
according to
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 their major and
job
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 experience. They should hire workers who can perfectly complete the tasks they need to handle in the workplace. Abundant
work
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 experience can assist them in solving complex problems. In conclusion, I want to emphasize that
money
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 is one of the essential factors that motivate
people
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’s hard
work
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.
However
Linking Words
, there are some other reasons that encourage
people
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 to concentrate on their
work
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,
such
Linking Words
 as professional ideals and
job
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 satisfaction.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the interviewer should consider the
candidate
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's personality and
work
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 experience to ensure they can take on the
job
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a complete response to the task, it can be further strengthened with more specific examples to support main points. Including real-world scenarios or statistical data can add depth to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, but double-checking for any small transitions that may improve the flow between paragraphs would be beneficial. For example, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the response.
task achievement
It presents a balanced perspective by acknowledging the importance of both monetary and non-monetary motivations for workers.
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