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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts Below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010

The pie charts Below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010
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the two Pies chart gives information about the proportion of
household
Use synonyms
expenditure
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 in six Major categories,
hence
Linking Words
, from 1950 and 2010 in one country.
Overall
Linking Words
,
initially
Linking Words
, the average
household
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expenditure
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 in 1950, had only one biggest slice was housing,
while
Linking Words
 other slice showed a steady average without the
Food
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 Part,
Whereas
Linking Words
, in 2010 the major category begin with
food
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then
Linking Words
 housing and others have the same proportion. as we see in these two pie charts, will begin with, Average
household
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expenditure
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 in the year 1950
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 The large slice was housing had an average of 72.1 per
cent
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while
Linking Words
 others , health care and transportation, were the same average between 2.4 and 4.4 per
cent
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,
in contrast
Linking Words
,
food
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 was the second category, had 11,2 per
cent
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 and
then
Linking Words
 education at 6,6 proportion, comparatively with 2010, the average
household
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expenditure
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, the highest piece was in
food
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 34,0 per
cent
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,
in addition
Linking Words
, Housing and other remains the same in the percentages,
while
Linking Words
 in transportation has 14 per
cent
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 of users, in the
end
Add the comma(s)
,end
show examples
 the health care increased by 2 per
cent
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, compared with the year 1950,
also
Linking Words
 education remained constant in both years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words household, expenditure, food, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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