IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of the government to ensure a healthy lifestyle for its citizens. Others think that individuals should be responsible for their own health and lifestyle choices.

Many
people
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 contend that it is the government's responsibility to ensure a healthy
lifestyle
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 for its citizens. Others maintain that everyone should be responsible for their own health and
lifestyle
Use synonyms
choices
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both opinions before giving a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, governments can directly influence
people
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's
food
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choices
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 by introducing taxes on unhealthy
food
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.
This
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 means that taxing highly processed
food
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 or sugar more heavily prevents many
people
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 from purchasing unhealthy meals.
For instance
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, in Japan, where unhealthy
food
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 has steep price tags, most
people
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 choose the healthy variant because it is cheaper.
This
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 has resulted in an obesity rate of just 9% in all of Japan. In comparison, in the USA, where no
such
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 tax exists, obesity rates have reached 45%.
This
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 shows that government intervention can directly influence what
people
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 eat and lead them to a healthier
lifestyle
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.
On the other hand
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, individuals are ultimately responsible for their own health and
lifestyle
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choices
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.
For instance
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, nutritious foods
such
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 as vegetables and fruits are readily available at the same markets as unhealthy processed meals.
Therefore
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, choosing a healthier
lifestyle
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 is everyone's choice, and individuals must decide for themselves whether they want to live with the negative consequences,
such
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 as diabetes, that an unhealthy diet can introduce.
Moreover
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, a wide range of healthy options, like salads, require little to no cooking, which means that time-consuming
food
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 preparations are no longer an excuse. In summary, every individual must decide for themselves whether to take responsibility for their diet and,
consequently
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, their health. In conclusion,
while
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 governments can influence
people
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's unhealthy
food
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choices
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 by introducing higher taxes, individuals have to decide for themselves whether they want to live a healthy
lifestyle
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. I firmly believe that
people
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 should be held responsible for their own
food
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choices
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.

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task response
Make the main idea in the opening line very clear and keep a steady view through the essay.
content
Give strong proof for each point. Check facts or mark facts as opinion if needed.
coherence
Link ideas well so one point leads to the next. Use more joining words to make flow.
structure
Clear structure with intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence
Good use of linking words to show contrast and to give examples.
argument
A clear view is stated at the end.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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