IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people regard video games as a harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videogames are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

In recent years, the topic of in today’s world, learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 is becoming more common. Some
people
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 believe that the only reason for
this
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 is to
travel
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 or
work
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 abroad.
However
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, others think there are more reasons for learning another
language
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion. On the one hand, learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 can help
people
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travel
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 or find jobs in other countries. When
people
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 know the local
language
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, it is easier for them to communicate with others, ask for help, and enjoy their trip more.
Also
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, many companies require employees to speak another
language
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 if they want to
work
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 overseas. So,
language
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 skills can create more job opportunities.
On the other hand
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, there are other reasons for learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
. Some
people
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 study languages as a hobby or to understand different cultures. Learning a
language
Use synonyms
 can help
people
Use synonyms
 watch foreign movies, read books, or talk to
people
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 from other countries. It can
also
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 improve memory and brain function. In schools, learning languages is
also
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 part of education to make students more open-minded and ready for the global world. In my opinion, learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 is useful not only for
travel
Use synonyms
 and
work
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 for personal growth and knowledge. It helps
people
Use synonyms
 connect with others and see the world in a different way. In conclusion,
while
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 many
people
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 learn a
language
Use synonyms
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 or
work
Use synonyms
 abroad, there are
also
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 many other good reasons.
Language
Use synonyms
 learning is a valuable skill in many areas of life.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but make sure you link your ideas better between paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, mention a specific foreign language or a personal experience with language learning.
task achievement
You presented both views clearly and expressed your opinion, which is important for a good score.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written and summarize your main points clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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