Some people believe that children’s leisure activity must be educational other wise they are complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree ?

#people #children’s #leisure #activity #waste #time

Wrong verb form

Studying

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Study

Add an article

The study

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is one of a priority for youngsters, and

school

record

Fix the agreement mistake

records

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will

be impact

Change the verb form

impact

show examples

Change preposition

apply

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their

school

life.

However

, I disagree

Change preposition

with

show examples

some individuals

Correct pronoun usage

who say

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say

Wrong verb form

saying

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that their spare time ought to be spent

for

Change preposition

show examples

academic activities as

new

Correct article usage

the new

show examples

generation need to thrive physically and mentally

as well as

study scores. One of the reasons why pupils should

away

Add a missing verb

be away

show examples

from the main subjects is life is not judged by exams.

This

is because people are required soft skills in

workplace

Add an article

the workplace

show examples

Furthermore

, some Japanese schools

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

release the

school

ground and create a secret base monitored by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

security. Thereby, students encourage to

making

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

new friends and

taking

Wrong verb form

take

show examples

part in new people regardless

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

. So,it is great value to improve social and emotional skills. Another suggestion is for physical

grows

Replace the word

growth

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This

due to

their muscles and bones

are

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

uncompletely

Correct your spelling

incompletely

grown,

thus

they should do exercise.

For instance

, physical education may appear less joyful, yet if they played sports after

school

without scoring and for fun, they could build strong bodies and immune systems with enjoyment. In conclusion, academic subjects are unavoidable for obligate education but

emotion

Replace the word

emotional

show examples

skills and physical activities should rank as high in importance in children's education as Math and Science.

Submitted by forever26th on Sun Apr 09 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

203 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that children’s leisure activity must be educational other wise they are complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree ?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Disposing of waste on streets has become a common problem in many countries these days. What are the cause and solutions of this issue?

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What are the causes and solutions for this issue?

In some countries, more and more people are hiring personal fitness trainers, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes What is the reason for this Is this a positive or negative development

Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

besity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?