IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Certain groups today have argued that these
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
people
 are becoming more dependent on other
people
 and focused on their own desires,
while
 others believe that some individuals tend to become more independent. I believe that some
people
 have some limitations to doing something not only financial problems but
also
 family commitments. On the one hand, some
people
 feel they can do everything that they want because they have the freedom to do things
such
 as buying new things, travelling oversea, and shopping for a new item.
Additionally
, the growth of the economy and changing social norms result in
people
 changing their lifestyles and perspectives so that they do not care what other
people
 think about them because they have a right to do things.
For example
, a recent study found that younger generations are more likely to buy their own phones without seeking permission from their parents.
However
, I believe that many
people
 are still constrained by financial and family obligations, which limit their ability to pursue their own desires.
On the other hand
, those that believe
people
 do not have an opportunity to follow their dreams because of financial problems and their children. Especially in developing countries,
people
 have a low income, which is why they cannot do or buy something that they want because they need to control their expenditures for their future children.
For instance
, in Thailand, most parents need to control their expenditures, as they need to pay money for school, as found in a recent study.
Hence
, I’m of the opinion that some
people
 have a limitation for independence from each other. In conclusion, most
people
 can do everything that they cannot care about other
people
. From my perspective, some individuals are strict about their life because of finance and family.
Submitted by pear_chanok on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: