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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
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This
Linking Words
 bar chart depicts some modifications in the proportion of Australian
people
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and
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apply
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who were born in foreign nations living in urban, countryside and towns from 1995 to 2010. It's clear from the graph that the most percentages of accommodation are in
cities
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 for Australian
people
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 and Non-Australian.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the
people
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 who were born outside
Australia
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 have various percentages during these years. We can see in 1995 the lowest
percentage
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 of residents which they are living in town and countryside residents represented 40 per
cent
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 and in
cities
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 shows the biggest
percentage
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 which is 60 per
cent
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.
While
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 in 2010 the
percentage
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 of city residents remained increasing soared to about twenty per
cent
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 and the town has no change that match.
While
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 the
people
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 born in
Australia
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 have not changed a lot during
this
Linking Words
 decade and a half. We can see in 1995 the proportion of rural areas accommodation is about 25 per
cent
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 and in towns represent 20%
also
Linking Words
people
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 in
cities
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 shows about 45%. After nearly 15 years the
percentage
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 of
people
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 in
cities
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 increased slightly by about a quarter and the percentages of the countryside, and towns accommodation have the same per
cent
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 which is about 18 per
cent
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.
To sum up
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, we could say that the ratio of
people
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 who were born in
Australia
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 has not changed a lot in numbers during these years
Although
Linking Words
 the
people
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 Who were born outside
Australia
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 have a huge difference as we can see in the graph.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, australia, percentage, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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