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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that they should keep all the money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. Do you agree or disagree with the above notion?

#people #money #tax #notion
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One of the controversial topics today relates to whether people should or should not contribute to the
tax
Use synonyms
 system.
Although
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 some folks may find it unjustified to
be taken
Wrong verb form
take
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 a part of their income, I advocate that all citizens pay
taxes
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 for the sake of the whole community. On the one hand, myriad folks opine that the government should never take their
hard-earning
Correct your spelling
hard-earned
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 money for the sake of the country's development scheme.
This
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 is especially true for those who earn an amount that barely supports their families and who are not satisfied with the public services provided by the government. In many countries, people have to pay
taxes
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 of more than a quarter of their total income and yet do not get basic facilities like treatment, and education and they have to spend their own pocket money for those purposes.
Hence
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,
it is clear that
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 they become angry about the
tax
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 paying.
On the other hand
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, it is a fact that
taxes
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 are used by the government
for developing
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to develop
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 its nations as they are allocated for various kinds of essential matters.
Firstly
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, they are used for expanding and maintaining public transportation facilities,
such
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 as expanding roads and highways and replacing old public transportation units.
Secondly
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,
taxes
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 are utilised
for providing
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to provide
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 decent medical services and basic education for their residents.
And
Correct word choice
Last
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last
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 but not least,
taxes
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 are
also
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 used for funding military services, which is important for maintaining the political stability of a nation. As a nation's development depends mainly on the
tax
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 system, it goes without saying why everyone should share a common responsibility to pay
taxes
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.
To conclude
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, there are valid arguments on both sides. I,
however
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, am of the opinion that people had better aside by the regulation of
tax
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 duties for the thriving of the whole society.
Submitted by mintu258 on

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coherence and cohesion task
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relate directly to the topic. Good use of cohesive devices such as 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show the different sides of the argument. Your main points are supported with relevant examples, but could be further developed.
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