IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As water is valuable resource, governments all over the world should control how much water their citizens use. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, we are living in abundance thanks to highly developed technology.
While
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 some insist that as resources are abundant enough in modern society, there is no need to restrict using
water
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, I believe that
governments
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 around the world should control the amount of
water
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 their citizens use. Without restrictions, it will have negative effects on
future
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 generations and developing countries. Admittedly, if
water
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 is unlimited,
governments
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 should not have to restrict it.
However
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, usable
water
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 is an absolutely limited resource. In
this
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 respect, global organizations, where all
governments
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 gather together, need to address the issue for
future
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 generations. Specifically,
people
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 should preserve
water
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, which is essential for living. Just as our ancestors conserved resources, we must
also
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 pass down
this
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 valuable asset to descendants as well. Without these efforts,
future
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 civilizations will not thrive.
Additionally
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, to ensure that everyone benefits from the abundance of resources, it is crucial to limit
water
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 usage. These days, many undeveloped countries still suffer from
water
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 scarcity. When
people
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 waste
water
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 on leisure activities, some
people
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 from the other side struggle to obtain
water
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 for survival.
Therefore
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, representatives of countries should restrict the use of
water
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 selectively. They should set priorities by limiting wasteful use of
water
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.
For example
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, a major in Korea deplored the waste of
water
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, opposing
'
Correct article usage
the 'Water
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Water
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 Bomb Festival' where
people
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 enjoy the
water
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.
This
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 argument affected the
behavior
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behaviour
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 of citizens,
finally
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 leading to the new policy set by the Korean government. In
this
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 context,
governments
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 should influence the local community positively. In conclusion, as
water
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 is limited and valuable,
governments
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 should do their best to save
water
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 for the next generations and for
people
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 who still have problems with drinking
water
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. Without proper actions and regulations, we cannot expect a bright
future
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. Human beings should not underestimate the responsibility of preserving
water
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.

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task response
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue and covers the main points effectively. However, stronger, more varied vocabulary could enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. There were a few spots where the transition could be more fluid. Cohesion can be slightly improved with better transitional phrases.
introduction
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your position, setting the stage effectively for the rest of the essay.
main points support
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and you support your arguments with relevant examples, such as the 'Water Bomb Festival' example.
introduction conclusion
Both the introduction and conclusion are strong, framing the essay well and summarizing your stance effectively.
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