People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
In
this
modern era, people
want to become rich overnight and keep moving from one
job
to another, while
many prefer to plan their profession in advance and stay longer at one
job
, so they can make future plans accordingly
. I fully agree with the given statement if a person wants to achieve a goal and have a safe future, he must think about staying in one
job
. Both sides of this
essay will be carefully analysed before constructing an inference.
On the one
hand, promotions and learn more about the jobs. The main reason is that if a staff works in one
job
, he gets a promotion early due to
his expertise and experience. Another factor is that the peace of mind, more experience get more respect in the department. Those employees who work longer periods of time in the same business
, get higher opportunities for promotion. For example
, in many companies, some people
have been working for more than 20 years and they get good respect in the offices because they are experts in their fields.
On the other hand
, more money
and convenience. The primary reason is that people
want to make money
as soon as possible even if they get a little higher offer from other businesses. Another factor is the easy location from their residences, some workers move to another business
due to
being close to their houses and easy to commute on a daily basis.Moreover
, people
sometimes change professions due to
the latest technology introduced and that is
not available in the current business
. As a result
, people
move from one
occupation to another to learn more about the latest inventions.
To my knowledge, I passed a degree in Computer-Engineering but I changed a few businesses to keep myself up to date. I moved to point of sales business
and Security (CCTV) installation, then
I found more scope in National Broadband Network (NBN) company
and started fibre installation, In addition
, due to
COVID-19 , I decided to study Migration Law and recently passed it, so I can work from home,
In conclusion, following the analysis, it is clear that
people
should look for better opportunities if they get good money
and a better atmosphere to work in the company
. Staying in one
company
sometimes makes me unable to get learning opportunities and an excellent salary. Further
, it is predicted people
will keep moving to another company
because they want to make money
and learn more about the job
in the future as well.Submitted by rbtech65 on
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task achievement
While your arguments are clear and comprehensive, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that need to be addressed to improve clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance coherence and make the essay flow more smoothly. For example, use phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' or 'In contrast,' to link your ideas better.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, particularly from your personal experience, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.