IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #cities #people’s #health
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Nowadays, there are more and more
cities
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 on the surface of the Earth. A certain
number
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 of
people
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 claim that choosing big
cities
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 as a habitat will get bad consequences for their
health
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. I totally agree with
this
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 statement, and the following essay will point out the reasons for my agreement.
Firstly
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, it is obvious that in big
cities
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, there are
Add an article
an
the
show examples
enormous
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 of residents.
This
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 factor will reduce the purity of oxygen.
For instance
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, by geography lessons, I can name major
cities
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 of China
such
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 as Shanghai and Wuhan, where the air is unhealthy because of the population.
In addition
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, major towns have a large
number
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 of cars and factories which
also
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 detrimentally affect the local resident's
health
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.
Secondly
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, inhabitants of major and large
cities
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 may get
health
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 problems
due to
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 medical services. Because of an excessive
number
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 of patients,
people
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 of
such
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 towns are not able to get sufficient medical services and treatment.
Furthermore
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, in my experience, there were situations when the ambulance was late to aid and there was a threat to patients’
health
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. It is caused by an insufficient
number
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 of doctors for
such
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 a big city. Residents’
health
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 can be harmed by other aspects of the big city. One clear example is noisiness and risks to the ear’s ability because sounds from major
cities
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 exceed borders of human hearing standards.
For example
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,
although
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 Tokyo is a way famous and well-known city, eventually it is a place where
people
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 get various kinds of diseases of the ears. In conclusion, some
people
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 consider that habitation in large
cities
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 is harmful to human
health
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.
This
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 suggestion has reasons like loudness, scarce medical service and cleanness of oxygen.
Submitted by 29th of april on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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