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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart show the different how three countries learn English in 2010 and 2015.

The chart show the different how three countries learn English in 2010 and 2015.
the pie charts compare the difference between the 3 countries in learning
English
Use synonyms
 in the years 2010 and 2015.
overall
Linking Words
, a majority of
people
Use synonyms
 opted for
English
Use synonyms
 evening classes in the surveyed period.
while
Linking Words
 going abroad for learning
English
Use synonyms
 was quite popular in
country
Use synonyms
 A and
country
Use synonyms
 b, an opposite pattern was recorded in
country
Use synonyms
 c. turning to the detail, in 2010, the percentage of
Country
Use synonyms
 A's
people
Use synonyms
 participating in
English
Use synonyms
 evening classes made up 70% in comparison with 67% in 2015. the average of
people
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A who opted to study online was 5%, which was 2 times lower than that
at the end
Linking Words
 of the surveyed years,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figure for going abroad was relatively the same in 2010 and 2015, at 25% and 23%, respectively.
in addition
Linking Words
,
in
Add a hyphen
in-country
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 b, the category of studying abroad followed a similar pattern in both given years, accounting for 20%. the proportion of evening classes dropped dramatically from 72% to 48%,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for studying online increased by 24% to 32% in 2015.
furthermore
Linking Words
, a huge number of
people
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 c was recorded to prefer
English
Use synonyms
 evening class throughout the given period,
whereas
Linking Words
 the percentage of travelling abroad just rose from 0% to 3%. only 6% of
people
Use synonyms
 studied
English
Use synonyms
 online in 2010, which
then
Linking Words
 increased to 15% in 2015.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words english, people, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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