IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think that is the reason for this? What are the consequences for the people around them.

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In the past,
individuals
Use synonyms
 tended to sleep more than they do in the present.
However
Linking Words
, there are several reasons for long working
hours
Use synonyms
 which affect their physical and mental health.
This
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 essay will outline numerous reasons for
this
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 statement in the following paragraphs. Admittedly,
individuals
Use synonyms
 sleep for fewer
hours
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 these days because of long working
hours
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
. To explain,
people
Use synonyms
 have immense pressure from bosses who force them to finish
work
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible. So, they are forced to
work
Use synonyms
 day or night to complete the project.
As a result
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, they have been assigned which creates stress and anxiety which keeps them up the whole night.
Besides
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this
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, hefty
hours
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 are competition between every employer to get a promotion at an early age.
For example
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, in a recent study by WHO, multinational companies have not only increased 40 to 50
hours
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 but
also
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 made it necessary to
work
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 6 days a week.
Nevertheless
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, getting only 4 to 5
hours
Use synonyms
 of sleep affects the physical health of
individuals
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. To illustrate, some
people
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 stand for long
hours
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 at their jobs
such
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 as security guards who face several problems
such
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 as knee and foot issues.
On the other hand
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, a host of masses doing sitting jobs have spine and neck injuries. Despite
this
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, those
individuals
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 do not focus on their hobbies and they spend quality time with loved ones, they face several mental effects. In a survey conducted by a student University of Waterloo, 70% of
people
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 on medication
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are working for long
hours
Use synonyms
 a week. In conclusion,
although
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 at present,
people
Use synonyms
 are working various
hours
Use synonyms
 at their workplace.
This
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 has created an imbalance in their physical and mental health because of bad sleeping at night.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents points relevant to the question, but it could benefit from a clearer focus. Make sure to maintain a consistent argument throughout. Try to avoid repetition and ensure that each paragraph contributes to developing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a smoother transition between ideas. Try linking your paragraphs and sentences more effectively so your essay flows logically. This will improve coherence and help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion that appropriately frames your argument. This structure is effective in setting up and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your points, giving weight to your arguments. These practical examples help in illustrating your main ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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