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Writing Samples
Band 4

The line graph shows the number of cars

The line graph shows the number of cars
Nowadays the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who want to
study
Use synonyms
 abroad is increasing. I think the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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advantages of studying abroad outweigh
Correct pronoun usage
them for
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for
Change preposition
apply
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several reasons. Studying abroad is good for
students
Use synonyms
 as it has a lot of benefits. First of all, studying abroad gives opportunities
such
Linking Words
 as better studying and self-dependent.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
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 a student who
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to
study
Use synonyms
 abroad could be very intelligent and he or she can not have enough good education
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their country. If
such
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
 abroad they may easily find work or help to develop their country. Naturally, most
students
Use synonyms
 would like
studying
Change the verb form
to study
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 in foreign countries
such
Linking Words
 as America, Canada and Russia.
However
Linking Words
, they need to
study
Use synonyms
 hard to enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 universities and
due to
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 they start studying harder.
In addition
Linking Words
, they may have
a difficulties
Correct the article-noun agreement
difficulties
a difficulty
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 with money and
due to
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 they start working and studying at the same time.
This
Linking Words
 may prepare them for adulthood life and learn how to deal with difficulties during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the exams of foreign
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 universities are difficult and there who do not pass
exam
Correct article usage
the exam
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 could not
study
Use synonyms
 thanks to
this
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
study
Use synonyms
 harder than they
study
Use synonyms
 in their country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they could experience new places and cultures,
make
Correct word choice
and make
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 friends from around the
Correct your spelling
world
wolrd
Correct your spelling
world
 all of
this
Linking Words
 increase
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 world-overlook
To conclude
Linking Words
, the benefits of studying in foreign countries outweigh the drawbacks for several distinct reasons.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, study with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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