IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australias share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australias share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#show #japanese #tourists #australias #tourist #market #report #university #lecturer #information
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The bar graph compares and contrasts
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 visitors commuting to foreign countries, which are measured in
million
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the line graph depicts the percentage of Australian investment in the
Japanese
Use synonyms
 traveller market , over
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 11- year time period from 1985 to 1995.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
Japanese
Correct quantifier usage
number of Japanese
show examples
 people who travel abroad had increased throughout y years , and the same trend can be seen in Australia's shareholders in Japan 's tourist market. On the one hand, around 5
million
Use synonyms
Japanese
Use synonyms
 citizens
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
travelled to other nations in the
intial
Correct your spelling
initial
 year.
However
Linking Words
 , after 5 years the recording of
Japanese
Use synonyms
commution
Correct your spelling
communion
 to other countries surged moderately and reached approximately 11
million
Use synonyms
 in 1890. But after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 it had a slight drop of 500
million
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 remained almost constant for 2 years , which accounted
nearly
Change preposition
for nearly
show examples
 12
million
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Then
Linking Words
 , it reported a peak of 15
million
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the share
earn
Wrong verb form
earned
show examples
 from Japan's
tourists
Change the noun form
tourist
show examples
 market for Australia was really low in 1885 , which was only 2 % .
However
Linking Words
, after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 it accounted
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
significant increase in
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 coming to Australia and reached almost 5% in 1888 .
Then
Linking Words
 , it had a moderate fall of 4% in 1889 and comprised
6
Correct article usage
a 6
show examples
% share in 1994.
Submitted by varshajose345 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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