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Band 5

The best way to motivate employees is to increase their salaries. Do you agree with this statement? Are there any other ways to encourage employees to work more efficiently?

#employees #salaries #work
The world that we live
today
Change preposition
in today
show examples
 is dominated by
salary
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
. I am adamant that,
staff
 will
work
 more efficiently with high salaries, but I disagree that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is the best way to encourage them
work
Add the particle
to work
show examples
 motivated.
To begin
 with, the fact that we cannot escape from
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
salary
complaint
Fix the agreement mistake
complaints
show examples
 is a significant cause for employers to find
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
. First of all, it may be offered to choose
staff
 of the month every month which may affect and create additional interest to
work
 hard.
Moreover
, companies may give
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 workers end of every month of
year
Add an article
the year
show examples
.
Add an article
The employee
An employee
show examples
Employee
Fix the agreement mistake
Employees
show examples
 will be automatically authentic to galvanize every project around
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 company.
Furthermore
, it may increase competition among
staff
 inside the company.
On the other hand
, despite of high
salary
 attraction, I strongly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is not the best way to rocket fruitful
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 companies. In the same way, flexible workers find themselves in great demand
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
consequently
 gain high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 groups which look for various ways to attract their
staff
such
 as offering them
Add an article
a discount
show examples
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clothes,
such
 perks of the job undoubtedly will dramatically raise their admiration to
work
 efficiently. What is more, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some kind of members
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 needs merely career growth and sometimes simple kind and
encouriging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 words are more than enough for them. In conclusion,
although
salary
 is one of the most important aspects of business life, it is not the most vital, and a fee increase is not the most effective solution for employees to
work
 effectively.
In addition
, motivating employees with various bonuses and rewards will have a more beneficial effect on monthly and annual production efficiency.
Submitted by rasimmfa on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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