IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to motivate employees is to increase their salaries. Do you agree with this statement? Are there any other ways to encourage employees to work more efficiently?

#employees #salaries #work
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The world that we live
today
Change preposition
in today
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 is dominated by
salary
Use synonyms
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
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. I am adamant that,
staff
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 will
work
Use synonyms
 more efficiently with high salaries, but I disagree that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it is the best way to encourage them
Use synonyms
work
Add the particle
to work
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 motivated.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the fact that we cannot escape from
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
complaint
Fix the agreement mistake
complaints
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 is a significant cause for employers to find
Add an article
a solution
the solution
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solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 for
effective
Add an article
an effective
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outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
. First of all, it may be offered to choose
staff
Use synonyms
 of the month every month which may affect and create additional interest to
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
Moreover
Linking Words
, companies may give
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 workers end of every month of
year
Add an article
the year
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.
Add an article
The employee
An employee
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Employee
Fix the agreement mistake
Employees
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 will be automatically authentic to galvanize every project around
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 company.
Furthermore
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, it may increase competition among
staff
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 inside the company.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite of high
salary
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 attraction, I strongly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it is not the best way to rocket fruitful
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 companies. In the same way, flexible workers find themselves in great demand
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
consequently
Linking Words
 gain high
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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.
In
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addition
Add a comma
,addition
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 groups which look for various ways to attract their
staff
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as offering them
Add an article
a discount
show examples
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clothes,
such
Linking Words
 perks of the job undoubtedly will dramatically raise their admiration to
work
Use synonyms
 efficiently. What is more, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some kind of members
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 needs merely career growth and sometimes simple kind and
encouriging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 words are more than enough for them. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
salary
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important aspects of business life, it is not the most vital, and a fee increase is not the most effective solution for employees to
work
Use synonyms
 effectively.
In addition
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, motivating employees with various bonuses and rewards will have a more beneficial effect on monthly and annual production efficiency.
Submitted by rasimmfa on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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