IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
Some perspectives suggest that conducting
group
 exercises on campuses is crucial to cultivate young individuals with the capacity for cooperation. In my perspective, I could only partially agree with opinions as
such
, since there are other ways to achieve the same goals.
To begin
 with, it is inevitable that playing
group
 sports could train young individuals to
work
 together,
such
 as playing volleyball and baseball. To win a game, youth need to learn how to support others
instead
 of focusing on personal performance. It is similar to working in companies as part of teams, where employees will have better results by supporting each other.
On the other hand
, there are other means of teaching to facilitate the capacity of cooperation, including
group
 presentations, or throwing big events on campuses. It provides more opportunities for
students
 to discuss detail, or brainstorm with
group
 members to come up with solutions and ideas to address problems.
Group
 members with different backgrounds and
interesting
Replace the word
interests
show examples
 could teach
students
 to embrace different inputs and explore different possibilities.
For example
, some universities ask
students
 to hold final exhibitions before graduating which requires the participants of the whole class. It forces
students
 to step out of their small social circle and learn how to
work
 in a diverse environment, preparing them for real societies. 
To conclude
, it is true that playing
group
 sports could enhance the capacity for cooperation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they need to
work
 together to win games.
However
, I believe that assignments from educators could provide more diversity in a
group
, allowing young individuals to learn how to
work
 with people who have different perspectives.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: