IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

These days, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, many countries are experiencing a decline in the number of people who want to become
teachers
Use synonyms
. If we look at future trends, the situation appears quite troubling, especially for all levels of education, particularly secondary schools. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the causes of
this
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 issue and suggest some possible solutions.   One major problem in modern education is the low salary of
teachers
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.
According to
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 government reports, in Russia,
teachers
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’ wages have not kept up with the
overall
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 economic situation.
For example
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, over the past five years, inflation has reached 35%,
while
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teachers
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’ salaries have increased by only 12%.
This
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 means that, in real terms,
teachers
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 have become 17% poorer. Naturally,
such
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 a decline in financial stability discourages people from choosing teaching as a career.  
Additionally
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, if we focus on levels of education, secondary schools face even greater difficulties in attracting
teachers
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.
This
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 is because students aged 11 to 17 are going through adolescence, which often leads to more disciplinary issues. Teenagers tend to test boundaries, and it can be particularly challenging for
teachers
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 to manage their
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 and maintain order in the classroom.   To address these problems, governments must take a more active role. Improving
teachers
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’ salaries should be a national priority. Launching government-funded programs to increase teacher pay and improve working conditions could make the profession more attractive.
In addition
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, promoting the social value of
teachers
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 through public campaigns could help restore respect for the profession. Another important solution is to involve parents more in the educational process. Parents should support
teachers
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 and help children understand the importance of respecting those who provide them with knowledge.   In conclusion, the shortage of
teachers
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 in secondary schools is a serious issue, but it can be solved step by step. With active participation from both governments and parents, it is possible to improve the situation and make the teaching profession more attractive in the future.

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task achievement
Consider adding more examples to illustrate your points, especially regarding how improved teacher pay can positively impact the teaching profession.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words or phrases to connect your ideas more clearly, which will help readers follow your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states the problem and outlines the main points you will discuss, which sets a good structure for your essay.
task achievement
You successfully recognize the importance of involving parents in education, which is an insightful point that adds depth to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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