More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefit from this, the community or these young people?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

A growing number of young individuals from developed

countries

Use synonyms

are spending a short period of time helping communities in poorer

countries

Use synonyms

without pay.

This

Linking Words

is because they possibly feel responsible for that, or want to take years gap exploring the new cultures.

As a result

Linking Words

, both parties will gain benefits from that.

To begin

Linking Words

with, there are two main reasons why juveniles desire to help

people

Use synonyms

in underdeveloped

nations

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, since education in developed

countries

Use synonyms

is usually free, young

people

Use synonyms

can have access to it, and

thus

Linking Words

are likely to be well-educated.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they are encouraged to develop a sense of responsibility for the less unfortunate

people

Use synonyms

, which enables them to be willing to do the uncharity work.

Secondly

Linking Words

, as the living standard in poorer

countries

Use synonyms

is relatively low, young graduates who have a small budget might want to take a year gap travelling to experience new cultures and help communities in these areas.

For example

Linking Words

, many young English individuals want to travel to Vietnam and teach English to students.

This

Linking Words

tendency will benefit the community and the young from wealthy

nations

Use synonyms

. The first and very important advantage for juveniles is that they can have some time to relieve their stress after leaving school by travelling to developing

countries

Use synonyms

As a result

Linking Words

, taking years gap allows them to be able to consider carefully and determine their life purposes, which helps them shape wiser decisions in their career. The second positive for communities needing help is that they have opportunities to approach modern education and learn new mindsets from wealthy

nations

Use synonyms

As a consequence

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

would contribute to mutual understanding and trust among them, which enhance the process of globalisation in the future. In conclusion, young

people

Use synonyms

from developed

nations

Use synonyms

want to spend their time aiding the poor from developing

countries

Use synonyms

for two reasons. Both parties will gain positives elaborated on above from giving their hand.

ledinhan168Wed Nov 08 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction

Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main ideas to be discussed in the essay. Although an introduction is present, it should be more clearly aligned with the essay question, directly addressing the 'why' behind the trend and indicating the essay will discuss who benefits.

cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices to structure the essay effectively, ensuring ideas flow logically from one to the next. While some structure is present, more could be used to enhance coherence.

development

Provide full development of ideas with specific examples to support each point. This essay presents main points and some benefit analysis, but lacks detailed examples to illustrate and support the claims, resulting in a score of 5 for relevant examples. To improve, include specific, concrete examples that clearly relate to and support the main points.

task response

Task response requires dealing directly with all parts of the question. It's important to provide a balanced discussion on both the reasons for youth engagement in unpaid work and the benefits for both parties involved. You partially achieved this, but some areas lack depth and the comparison between benefits is not sufficiently explicit.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is no denying the fact that performing experiments on animals to assist in medical research is a controversial topic in today’s world. While it is a commonly held belief that the usage of animals to obtain results in the medical experimentation sector is acceptable, there is also an argument that using animals is unethical and inhumane. This essay will analyse both points of view and express my opinion.
7
band
In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents choosing to self-educate their children at home rather then sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?
Recently, the ratio of parents selecting homeschooling instead of sending them to school has significantly increased. The writer believes that this method’s positive sides cannot outweigh the drawbacks and the writer will reveal some main reasons to explain this opinion.
7.5
band
Some people say zoos are cruelty to wild animals,while others think they can only be protected there.To what extent do you agree?
The number of zoos has been significantly increasing so that, they are now commonly available all around the world.There is an inconclusive debate as to whether zoos have mistreated wildlife or they have provided good protection.From my perspective,I strongly think zoos have many benefits and those wild creatures have been pampered well in there for many reasons.
6
band
Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people believe that rewarding people is the best way to perform better in school. However, others are more down to the idea that punishment is better than reward. I personally believe that rewarding students is a good way.
7.5
band
There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, students are striving to succeed academically under the high pressure of society. While some argue that school programs should be structured to only include academic subjects, I firmly believe that non-academic subjects are also essential to learning social and household skills. This essay will explore why social subjects are as important as academic courses.

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefit from this, the community or these young people?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents choosing to self-educate their children at home rather then sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say zoos are cruelty to wild animals,while others think they can only be protected there.To what extent do you agree?

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.