More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why? Who benefit from this, the community or these young people?
A growing number of young individuals from developed
countries
are spending a short period of time helping communities in poorer countries
without pay. This
is because they possibly feel responsible for that, or want to take years gap exploring the new cultures. As a result
, both parties will gain benefits from that.
To begin
with, there are two main reasons why juveniles desire to help people
in underdeveloped nations
. Firstly
, since education in developed countries
is usually free, young people
can have access to it, and thus
are likely to be well-educated. Therefore
, they are encouraged to develop a sense of responsibility for the less unfortunate people
, which enables them to be willing to do the uncharity work. Secondly
, as the living standard in poorer countries
is relatively low, young graduates who have a small budget might want to take a year gap travelling to experience new cultures and help communities in these areas. For example
, many young English individuals want to travel to Vietnam and teach English to students.
This
tendency will benefit the community and the young from wealthy nations
. The first and very important advantage for juveniles is that they can have some time to relieve their stress after leaving school by travelling to developing countries
. As a result
, taking years gap allows them to be able to consider carefully and determine their life purposes, which helps them shape wiser decisions in their career. The second positive for communities needing help is that they have opportunities to approach modern education and learn new mindsets from wealthy nations
. As a consequence
, this
would contribute to mutual understanding and trust among them, which enhance the process of globalisation in the future.
In conclusion, young people
from developed nations
want to spend their time aiding the poor from developing countries
for two reasons. Both parties will gain positives elaborated on above from giving their hand.Submitted by ledinhan168 on
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introduction
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main ideas to be discussed in the essay. Although an introduction is present, it should be more clearly aligned with the essay question, directly addressing the 'why' behind the trend and indicating the essay will discuss who benefits.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to structure the essay effectively, ensuring ideas flow logically from one to the next. While some structure is present, more could be used to enhance coherence.
development
Provide full development of ideas with specific examples to support each point. This essay presents main points and some benefit analysis, but lacks detailed examples to illustrate and support the claims, resulting in a score of 5 for relevant examples. To improve, include specific, concrete examples that clearly relate to and support the main points.
task response
Task response requires dealing directly with all parts of the question. It's important to provide a balanced discussion on both the reasons for youth engagement in unpaid work and the benefits for both parties involved. You partially achieved this, but some areas lack depth and the comparison between benefits is not sufficiently explicit.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example