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Band 7.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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Pie charts depict the development of 3 segments of ages over the next 50
years
Use synonyms
, commencing from 2000, in two main countries, Yemen and Italy,
Overall
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be clearly seen a gradual rise of adults over the
years
Use synonyms
 in Yemen country
while
Linking Words
 a remarkable downward in the adult rate in Italy, glancing at pies charts reveal that in 2000, the teenager category (00-14
years
Use synonyms
) was roughly equal to the adult's portion (15-59
years
Use synonyms
) with nearly 46,3 % ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 the estimation in the next 50
years
Use synonyms
 predicts a dramatic drop in teenager ratio, from exactly 50,1% to 37%,
whereas
Linking Words
 adults portion (15-59
years
Use synonyms
) will increase with 11% by the year of 2050,
a
Change the article
an
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along with
Linking Words
 a slight jump of (60+
years
Use synonyms
) category to 5,7%
instead
Linking Words
 of 3,6% in 2000,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, Italy registered a high percentage of adults (15-59
years
Use synonyms
) in 2000 with 61,6%,
nonetheless
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 rate will decrease to 46,2%
while
Linking Words
 the elder's portion (60+
years
Use synonyms
) will increase from 24,1% to 42,3% in 2050,
as well as
Linking Words
 a fractional reduce in teenagers (0-14
years
Use synonyms
) with 3,2% of rate difference.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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