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Band 6.5

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000
#changes #birth #rates #china #usa
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The graph compares variations in
birth
Use synonyms
 rates of two countries (
China
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States of America) from 1920 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
birth
Use synonyms
 rates of the two countries fluctuated, but
Correct your spelling
China`s
show examples
china
Use synonyms
 `s
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 remained steady in the end.
According to
Linking Words
 the data,
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 started above 10 in 1920 and decreased sharply from 1930 to 1945 but it experienced a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 increase, continuously in 1955 the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was approximately 50
while
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 decrease in the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
trend it was just over 5. As it is given
china
Use synonyms
's trend differed from 1955, the pick for it was in 1950 after a sharp increase the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was 20.
while
Linking Words
 it declined gradually after 1950 there was just less than 5 which is the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 among the two countries.There was saw a sharp decline in the amount of
birth
Use synonyms
 from 1955 to 200. The figure for
birth
Use synonyms
 in
China
Use synonyms
 and the USA in 2000 were 3 and 7 respectively.
Submitted by asgharrrlashkariii on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, china, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • demographics
  • population control policy
  • One-Child Policy
  • Baby Boom
  • fertility rate
  • census data
  • fluctuations
  • societal norms
  • economic prosperity
  • Great Leap Forward
  • family planning
  • contraception
  • workforce participation
  • aging population
  • urbanization
  • trend analysis
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