IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries tradition of having family meals together is disappearing. Why is this happening? Wha will the effects of this be on the family and society?

#countries #tradition #meals #wha #effects #be #society
Nowadays,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people do not tend to get together for family meals in many countries.
This
 approach
also
 is supported by
parents
 and
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. There were reasons
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
based
Add a missing verb
were based
show examples
 on the daily routine of
parents
 and other
members
 of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
. In
this
 case, some troubles may be faced in the future regarding the
realtionship
Correct your spelling
relationship
 among the
members
 of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
.
Firstly
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents
 prefer to work
fully
Change the adverb
full
show examples
time
due to
Correct article usage
the capitalism
show examples
capitalism
Replace the word
capitalist
show examples
 regime. In
this
,
situation
Add an article
a situation
the situation
show examples
 the
children
 have to spend
time
 more
nannies
Change preposition
with nannies
show examples
, teachers,
witm
Correct your spelling
with
himself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
or
herself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 than their
parents
.
Subsequnetly
Correct your spelling
Subsequently
this
 situation,
children
 get used to being alone. Turning to the
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 behaviour, it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 easy way that
children
 can control themselves regardless
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 control.
This
 approach impact
also
 the
time
 of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
. Many families can no longer eat the meal together.
Eash
Correct your spelling
Each
show examples
 single
members
 of
parents
 prefer to have
meal
Add an article
a meal
show examples
 in
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
show examples
time
 for themselves.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 it is proved by the
Pshycology
Correct your spelling
Psychology
 University survey, the amount of to have
meal
Add an article
a meal
show examples
 together was just its 35 % among
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 which majority of
members
 work
due to
 busy routine.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will face some torrent of problems regarding
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
 between
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. To enhance closeness between parent and
children
signfy
Correct your spelling
signify
 that the
children
 will
unaccustamed
Correct your spelling
unaccustomed
accustomed
 to less dependency on
parents
 in early aged. After that, many
parents
 will have no idea how
spend
Add the particle
to spend
show examples
time
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
children
. The
children
 can join
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gangs or other communities which have bad habits. In fact,
due to
 statistics
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
Ministry
Correct article usage
the Ministry
show examples
 of State of
Security
Add a comma
,Security
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 who are addicted
drug
Fix the infinitive
to drug
show examples
 has less closeness and control by their
parents
. İn conclusion,
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
time
 together on
Correct article usage
a meal
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 even affects the
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 in
positive
Change the article
a positive
show examples
 way.
Parents
 should consider
to contact with
Change the verb form
contacting
show examples
 their
children
 and other
members
 of the family.
Submitted by gulubalaki on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: