IT IS GENERALLY ACCEPTED THAT EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS. THERFORE, PHYSICAL EDUCATION AND SPORT SHOULD BE COMPULSORY FOR ALL STUDENTS IN ALL SCHOOLS. WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

Health is one of the most important aspects of our lives.It has been implemented in most institutions to provide

children

Use synonyms

with physical

activities

Use synonyms

to keep them fit.I strongly

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

believe in doing so we can produce healthier individuals in future.

Firstly

Linking Words

,with the growing number of obese ,

children

Use synonyms

it is important to introduce them to sports like running ,playing football and other outdoor games.In doing so they burn extra calories and fat and become more healthy.

For instance

Linking Words

,it has been reported in a recent newspaper the rate of obesity has declined with more

children

Use synonyms

being involved in playing and reducing the intake of fast food.

Secondly

Linking Words

, exercising on regular basis makes us less ill.With the growing pressure on

children

Use synonyms

studies

Add a comma

,studies

show examples

it has been seen that pupils are less involved in extra

activities

Use synonyms

and they become nerds.Teenagers, nowadays are more into technology focusing on mobile phones and as a

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

result develop eye problems .

Instead

Linking Words

of spending their leisure time doing some physical ,

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

activity

Add a comma

,activity

show examples

they spend time on less useful resources.It is important that educational institutions impose strict rules on pupils to participate in extracurricular

activities

Use synonyms

which are not only helpful for their physical health but

also

Linking Words

for mental peace.

For example

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

with too much involvement in studies go into depression because of the pressure to excel in academics.It is the responsibility of the school authorities to encourage

such

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students to take part in other

activities

Use synonyms

which will help to lower their burden.

To conclude

Linking Words

,exercising plays a pivotal role in shaping an individual to become more fit and healthy free from certain illnesses.It

also

Linking Words

helps to improve mental health.

mudassir1219

Apr 12, 2023

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical Education (PE)
cardiovascular health
muscle strength
obesity
teamwork
cooperation
communication
leadership
academic performance
cognitive functions
lifelong wellness
sedentary lifestyle
compulsory
socioeconomic background
mandatory
inclusive
beneficial
holistic development
stress
extracurricular activities

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