You recently travelled by train on a long journey and you experienced various problems. Write a letter to the train company’s head office. In your letter, give the details of your journey, including the date, time and where you sat explain the problems that happened and express your dissatisfaction ask about what action will be taken to improve the service

#train #journey #company’s #head #office #date #time #dissatisfaction #action #service

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you to bring to your attention

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one of the problems I encountered on my recent

train

journey in our country. On January 27, I boarded the

train

from Cochin at 4 pm to Delhi. I had a reservation ticket, and the seat number was B3 34. After a few hours of journey, I realized that pantry services in the

train

are not functional and

therefore

, the passengers are forced to buy food and water from the stopping stations.

This

has caused discomfort among my fellow travellers, and it was a real struggle for everyone.

For instance

, after Kadvi station, the next stop is Yuriy which takes almost 4 hours to reach. There were families with small children in my compartment and the difficulties faced by them are unexplainable. It is my humble request to ensure pantry services are available on the

train

so that passengers have a safe and comfortable journey.

Also

, I would like to know your thoughts on how these basic services can be improved. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Gloria Sherin Mathew

Submitted by gloriasherin on Fri Apr 26 2024

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Task Achievement

To further enhance your letter, consider providing more specific details about the consequences of the problems faced, such as how it affected your journey or mentioning any attempts made to resolve the issues during the trip. This can add depth to your complaint and demonstrate the severity of the inconvenience.

Coherence & Cohesion

You've structured your letter well with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. To improve, try using a variety of sentence structures and transitional phrases to enhance the flow of your letter. This could make your concerns stand out more effectively and help maintain the reader's engagement throughout.

Logical Structure

Effective structure, providing a clear opening, detailed description of the issues, and a polite request for changes, which makes it easy to follow your points.

Suitable Writing Tone

Successfully adhered to the formal tone appropriate for writing to a company, using polite language and a respectful closing.

Complete Response

Good job detailing the specific journey and problems encountered, making your complaints clear and justified.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

188 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Some people say the most important thing about being rich is that it gives you the opportunity to give back or help the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent, do you agree or disagree with their opinion.

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