IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. what is your opinion about that?

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This
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 is a good chance for
children
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 if education puts cooking and cropping in the school electives subject. Plants and food and basic but they are necessary for human life and economies. I believe
this
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 idea motivates the young group to seek themself and their opportunities in future. Most schools in Thailand provide cooking and planting in compulsory education because government and education agree with the opinion that
children
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 should learn about cooking and cropping for their basic
skills
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. The young generation can absorb and develop both
skills
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 for their future so that they can survive in the world and get more opportunities when they develop
skills
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 to be professional.
Moreover
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, some families, encourage their
children
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 to do cropping and cooking activities because of social and
behavior
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behaviour
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. When teenagers work in a group
this
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 motivates them to improve their social
skills
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 and positive behavior
such
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 as patience and communication
skills
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.
Besides
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, plants and food are the primary economies of the world. The value of products is important and affects farmers and local economies. If the young group understand the value of the product, they might improve and develop a valuable product.
Due to
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 knowledge of
quality
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, the
children
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 study planting and cooking lessons that make them understand
quality
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 is more important than quantity. Some countries control about
quality
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 of products because it affects to price and
then
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 to economy.
For example
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, Japanese farmer
develop
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develops
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quality
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 plants and food products because they need to add value to their product that
make
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makes
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 more income.
To sum up
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, I agree with the concept
that
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of
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 including cooking and cropping in the school curriculum because
children
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 gain benefits through their lessons and economic impact.

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Grammar
It's a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, development, and conclusion, highlighting the importance of including cooking and cropping in education. However, there are some grammatical and syntactical errors that could be improved to enhance clarity.
Sentence Structure
Try to vary your sentence structure more to improve readability and make your essay more engaging. This includes making use of both complex and simple sentences.
Argument depth
To strengthen your argument, it might be beneficial to compare with examples where schools do not offer such programs and the potential drawbacks. This contrast could offer a more comprehensive view.
Linking Words
Work on using linking words more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, which will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Content Understanding
Effectively identified and explained the benefits of teaching cooking and cropping in schools, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Use of Examples
Good use of examples, particularly the reference to Thailand and Japan, which helps to provide evidence for your arguments.
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