IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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The consumption of high levels of
sugar
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 has been linked to
health
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 problems, including obesity, type 2 diabetes and heart disease.
As a result
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, some people argue that making sugary
products
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 more expensive could be an effective way to encourage people to consume less
sugar
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. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 strategy is understandable and could be effective enough to improve public
health
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, but there are other efficient alternatives as well. On the one hand, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 some evidence that
price
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 can influence consumer behaviour.
For example
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, studies show that increasing the
price
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 of sugary drinks can lead to reduced consumption. In fact, in Mexico, a new tax on sugary drinks was introduced in 2014 and the total consumption decreased by 12% in the first year. There are more countries, including France and the UK, where
sugar
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taxes
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 have been implemented over the past ten years.
However
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, extra
taxes
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 on sugary
products
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 add more burden to low-income groups.
On the other hand
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,
sugar
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 is an essential nutrient for human bodies to generate energy quickly on a daily basis. If all sugary
products
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 were increased in
price
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 by governments, low-income households would suffer from malnutrition, which leads to another
health
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 issue.
Instead
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 of
sugar
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taxes
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, providing education and awareness campaigns about the
health
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 risks associated with a
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
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 and high-fat diet.
This
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 can be done through schools and community
centers
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centres
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.
Moreover
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, encouraging physical activities through community initiatives
such
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 as walking or cycling groups, sports teams, and other activities can help promote a more active lifestyle. In conclusion,
sugar
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taxes
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 or increased
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 of sugary
products
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 are
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the options to reduce
sugar
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 intake, but I believe that other ways,
such
Linking Words
 as education and
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 lifestyle, would be more beneficial to everyone, regardless of social status.
Submitted by nanamach87 on

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