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Band 5.5

City planners tend to arrange schools, homes ,shops and offices in specific areas and separate them from each other . Do you think the advantage overweight the disadvantage?

#city #planners #schools #homes #shops #offices #areas #advantage
In some cities` planes, architects are keen to separate between life sections like homes, shops, and offices and build them in different spaces.
This
 essay will describe the negative points of these designs ,and how they
overweight
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the positive points. To start with, the very advantage of
this
 trend is that every section is independent of its specifications which makes every part
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
offer its services perfectly.
For example
, homes are places where people need to take their privacy and relax, so the area should be quiet and far away from the hustle and bustle of the other areas .
In addition
, keeping these parts away from each other will contribute
in alleviate
Change preposition
to alleviating
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 the crowding with vehicles and population.
For instance
 , these types of plans help to prevent overcrowding and traffic on the roads particularly , at
Rephrase
particularly
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rush hours when all these places are a destination for different peers people neither for work , education or rest
On the other hand
 , the drawbacks of these designs are undeniable especially, when related to the economy and the environment , to illustrate , the far distances between these parts will
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 the fuel consumption of transportation vehicles which leads to more emissions,
also
 the cost of transportation will increase when people need to reach their destination either by their private cars or by public transportation,
consequently
, increase in the gas emissions from the vehicles which is one of the main reasons of air pollution ,
moreover
 , the community will struggle from the high cost of their daily moving to and from these areas. In conclusion, in spite of the all merits that these types of plans have , in my opinion , the downsides are more effective in our life and I think that these disadvantages will
overweight
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
benefits of these plans.
Submitted by vet.lezan on

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of separating life sections in city planning. The examples used are relevant and support the points made. However, a more balanced view could be presented by discussing potential benefits that outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is mostly effective, with the introduction and conclusion present. The main points are supported with relevant examples and explanations. To improve coherence, consider using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion clearly summarizes the main points and reinforces the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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