IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think nations and individuals should focus on their own personal problems rather than global ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #nations #individuals #focus #ones
Nowadays, it is sometimes thought that countries and humans ought to focus on global
problems
,
while
 other
people
 believe that the focus should be on personal
problems
. In my opinion, I totally agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that folks should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
concentrate on their own difficulties rather than global issues.
Firstly
, I would like to make
concentrate
Add an article
a concentrate
the concentrate
show examples
 on one problem
that is
 not focused.
From
Change preposition
For
show examples
last
Change the article
the last
show examples
 couple of years, students are going
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad for higher education and for better
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
 growth. The reason why pupils are migrating to another country is that it feels them a chance to improve themselves.
For instance
, the
indian
Change the capitalization
Indian
show examples
people
 are still going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada or the
U.S
Correct your spelling
U.S.
 for higher education. So,
according to
 me, if
country
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 their education system
then
 it might be possible that students will enjoy
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 more and
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 more in their own country.
Secondly
, another point to
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 is that individuals have
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
 as nations.
People
 always talk about their neighbourhood's
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and give them
a free solutions
Correct the article-noun agreement
free solutions
a free solution
show examples
 without thinking
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 it was right or wrong. During
this
, they can not figure out
problems
 that are
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 in their own home.
For example
, some families always try to make happy to their neighbourhood and at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 their child is becoming far from them because they
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
feel alone.
Hence
, I think that if families are staying
together
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
happily
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 little younger are not becoming alone. In conclusion, today's community and generations are less
concentrating
Replace the word
concentrated
show examples
 on their own issues, and they are talking about solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other
problems
.
Accroding
Correct your spelling
According
 to
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
,
people
 and local regions first focus on personal
problems
 and think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 to solve them.
Submitted by writing7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: