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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart illustrates the data collected in a survey about people who buying and drinking habits for coffee and tea in different five major cities in Australia in the last 4 weeks.

The bar chart illustrates the data collected in a survey about people who buying and drinking habits for coffee and tea in different five major cities in Australia in the last 4 weeks.
#bar #data #survey #people #habits #coffee #tea #five #cities #australia #weeks
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The bar chart illustrates the data collected in a survey about people who
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 and drinking habits for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea in different five major cities in Australia in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks.
Overall
Linking Words
, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shown
Add the auxiliary verb
is shown
show examples
 on the graph, except for
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 city,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 4 cities visited
Add an article
the cafe
show examples
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 for drinking
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
4weeks
Correct your spelling
4 weeks
 rather than
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 or instant
coffee
Use synonyms
. Bought Instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 was
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 popular
while
Linking Words
 bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 is less popular than those two sectors.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, the residents in Melbourne , Hobart and Sydney went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 tea which is approximately 64%, 63% and 61%.
While
Linking Words
 in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 was the lowest percentage population visited, at 48%. In
Adelaide
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 was almost relatively proportion to
visited
Change the form of the verb
visit
show examples
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
a cafe accounting for 49%.
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Hobart consumed to
bought
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 54%,
also
Linking Words
 in Brisbane contained 52% and the residents in Sydney which is
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 percentage of 44%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 residents who bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks, all the cities purchased accounting for lower than 50%. Sydney had the highest rate at 42% and Melbourne had at 42%. Hobart had at 37%
whereas
Linking Words
 both Brisbane and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
 had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 lowest percentage of 34%.
Submitted by toybox29 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, adelaide with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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