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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some think secondary and high school students should be allowed to choose academic courses leading to university or practical courses leading to careers such as carpenters. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #school #students #courses #university #careers #carpenters
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Schools
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 have traditionally educated children in a wide array of
subjects
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, allowing
students
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 to experiment in different fields.
While
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this
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 approach to education is still valid nowadays, I believe
schools
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 should take distinctive teaching methods for those seeking university degrees and those looking for career progression after graduating. One of the apparent advantages of switching to a new system is the economy of
time
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 for
students
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. Nowadays,
schools
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 teach around 10-12
subjects
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 per semester, making it almost impossible for pupils to excel in each subject. Having to deal with many tasks and homework a day,
students
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 can barely manage to find
time
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 for leisure activities,
such
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 as sports or going out with their friends, which is detrimental not only to physical health but
also
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 to psychological well-being.
However
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, if
schools
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 would prepare separately for university and career, pupils would find it easier to deal with
subjects
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 and manage to spend some
time
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 on their hobbies. It should be noted that the traditional schooling system allows developing
students
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 as well-rounded and broad-minded individuals by providing them with knowledge from various areas. But having to cover a large number of
studies
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 per semester,
schools
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 only manage to deliver a glimpse theoretical aspect of
subjects
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.
In contrast
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, the new system allows the allocation of study
time
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 for only multiple
subjects
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.
This
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 highly improves the efficiency of
studies
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 since all
energy
Correct article usage
the energy
show examples
 and dedication of a student is directed towards a limited number of contentful
subjects
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.
To conclude
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, traditional schooling has long preferred immersing
students
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 in a wide range of areas to bring up well-rounded individuals for the future. But I believe dividing pupils
according to
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 their future preferences, whether they pursue university
studies
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 or careers, will bring them more benefits and largely contribute to their performance in their
studies
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.
Submitted by jaker.raimov on

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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear viewpoint, it would benefit from including more specific examples or evidence to further support your arguments. Consider adding statistical data or real-life examples to enhance credibility.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed. Your focus is strong, but make sure to explicitly touch upon both pathways (university and career) with balanced emphasis.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly by using linking words or phrases. Though structure is good, refined transitions can help ideas flow better.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a well-organized structure with a clear introduction and a sound conclusion that encapsulates your main ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically arranged, and your argument is easy to follow. This reflects a good level of coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have effectively answered the question by addressing the potential benefits of allowing students to choose their educational pathway, which demonstrates a complete response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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