Advanced technology has brought many beneficial changes to the world. However, some old people today struggle with the use of technologies such as mobile phones and the Internet. How can the elderly benefit from using advanced technologies? How can the elderly be encouraged to use consumer electronics more often?

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Recently, the issue
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has

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been brought into focus
is
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb is appears to be unnecessary here.

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nowadays the development of technological
devices
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plays an important role in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

modern life. Some
people
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believe that old
people
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nowadays do not have knowledge about how to
use
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electronic. In my opinion, there are a large number of advantages for elder
people
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by
Change preposition
to

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using these
devices
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. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I will outline two ways to encourage
olpd
Correct your spelling
old

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people
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using
Change the verb form
to use

Using doesn’t seem to work here.

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technology. One thing
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of great significance is that we
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

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live
Replace the word
life

The word live doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in
development
Correct article usage
a development

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period and
advances
Wrong verb form
advanced

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb advances. Consider changing it.

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technology
Change preposition
in technology

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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and it can make our life more convenient. There are many reasons for young
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should guide the elderly
how
Change preposition
on how

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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to
use
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

devices
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like smartphones and tablets to purchase online or
buying
Wrong verb form
buy

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb buying. Consider changing it.

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on credit. For one thing, young adults should set aside extra time to direct them because it
help
Change the verb form
helps

It appears that the subject pronoun it and the verb help are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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the elder
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have the ability to maintain a balance between income and expenditure. The most familiar example of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is in Viet Nam everything
are
Change the verb form
is

It appears that the indefinite pronoun everything does not agree with the verb are in your sentence. Consider changing the form of the verb.

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become
Wrong verb form
becoming

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb become. Consider changing it.

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more expensive and
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have to save money
to
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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costly purchasing.
In
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

addition
Add a comma
,addition

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In addition. Consider adding a comma.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

will help the old one know the ways to
use
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

money in a reasonable way. It seems quite clear that
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers

It seems that teenager may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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should teach the elderly
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

use
Fix the infinitive
to use

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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smart
devices
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and their life will be
Add an article
a change
the change
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change
Wrong verb form
changed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb change. Consider changing it.

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in a simple way. It is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

well-known that government should organize more
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns

It seems that campaign may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to raise old’s
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

awareness about the
convenient
Replace the word
convenience

The word convenient doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of the appearance of smart
devices
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The immediate result
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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produces is that authorities have to lead elder
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
use
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

mobile
Add an article
a mobile

The noun phrase mobile phone seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones

It seems that phone may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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or other
devices
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to have more information
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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avoid health problems. A better example can be best provides is that in Viet Nam there are a significant number of diseases
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as heart attack,...
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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old age and it is helpful that elder
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can become as fit as a fiddle and stay in shape by looking for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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ways to keep a healthy body In summary, it is vital that old
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people

It seems that peoples may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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these days will have lots of benefits
in
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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using technological
devices
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficial changes
  • struggle with
  • mobile phones
  • the Internet
  • improved communication
  • social media
  • messaging apps
  • isolation
  • emotional well-being
  • access to information
  • health-related articles
  • informed decisions
  • current events
  • health monitoring
  • wearable devices
  • medication schedules
  • caregivers
  • emergencies
  • health outcomes
  • peace of mind
  • online services
  • convenience
  • independence
  • physical outings
  • hobbies
  • online tutorials
  • communities
  • creativity
  • active minds
What to do next:
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