IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that competition is good at work or school. Others think that cooperation is important rather than competetion. Dicuss both views along with your opinion

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It is an essential part of human nature that they try to compete with each other. Some
people
Use synonyms
 reckon that a sense of competition is fruitful at work or school
while
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 others opine that cooperation is more beneficial.
This
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 essay will shed light on both views and I personally think that competition is necessary to move ahead in life. There are different approaches to getting ahead of other
people
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. Some folks set particular goals in their lives and
thus
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 strive hard to get them . But some try to achieve high ranks in their lives by competing with their colleagues or fellows.
This
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 approach is more productive because when you have some practical example in front of you,efficiency is enhanced and
thus
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 results are more than expected. The same is the case in schools, where students who try to stand first or second in class try to imitate their fellow students and
as a result
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; they get more good grades as compared to those who do not compete at all.
For instance
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, When students are asked to perform in some sort of competition they work more hard and their
overall
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 performance is more than satisfactory.
But
Correct word choice
On
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on the other hand
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, there is
also
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 a group of individuals who believe that everyone should cooperate with each other so that collective goals are obtained and
overall
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 success is attained.
This
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 approach helps the nation progress continuously and effectively. Because cooperation is an important essence of life. Being kind and helpful to blokes
,
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apply
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 adds meaning to life and
thus
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 removes negativity and selfishness from
people
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.
For instance
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, in China,
people
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 try to help each other as much as they can by establishing small businesses at a local level. That's why they are one of the most successful nations in the world. cooperation and competition- both have their own pros and cons, depending on their use.

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task achievement
Clarify your opinion in the introduction more explicitly and ensure it aligns with your conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Create smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas for better flow.
task achievement
Provide more relevant examples and elaborate on them to support your points more strongly.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the two views you intend to discuss, which sets a good foundation for your essay.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to illustrate your points, demonstrating your understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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