These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

These days new
technologies
become more vital in society. The communication system has been completely changed by using
smartphones
and the
internet
. Some do not have a tendency to
use
these
technologies
to connect with others.
While
there are convincing reasons in favour of the downsides of
this
resolution, I strongly vote for the advantages
due to
cheaper
cost
and quicker transfer of
information
around the world. The reasonable
cost
of using
smartphones
and the
internet
to connect to other
people
is one of the main benefits that encourage
people
to
use
them.
In contrast
with previous ways of connecting
such
as sending letters or telegraphs to send a message, using
smartphones
and the
Internet
does not have any
cost
for us. These new
technologies
do not have any
cost
for
people
to send messages because they do not just
use
them to connect with their relatives or business partners. Normally mobile phones and the
internet
are used for multitasker reasons. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, sending messages or connecting with other
people
around the world are the cheapest things that
this
new technology can
cost
.
In addition
to the cheaper
cost
of using new
technologies
, I believe that the quick transfer of
information
is an undeniable advantage. The speed of
smartphones
and the
internet
to connect us with other
people
around the world is
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
vital because most businesses are
laying
Verb problem
relying
show examples
on
this
connection. So the amount of time it takes to send a message is so important.
For instance
, stock market corporations,
use
these new
technologies
to trade and earn money and because of the competitive environment in their area, each second is important for them to send some
information
. The disadvantages,
however
, cannot be overlooked. Some may claim that using these new
technologies
to have a connection with society is not reliable and we can not trust all
information
that we receive from them.
Moreover
, face-to-face connection’s feeling is something that we can not experience by using
smartphones
and the
internet
, but these reasons are not sensible to compare with the advantages that these new
technologies
have brought to our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
To conclude
,
smartphones
and the
internet
have advantages and disadvantages in communication’s way between
people
.
However
, the benefits of using them are outstanding in comparison to the drawbacks.
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be more effectively tied together.
task achievement
Good coverage of the advantages and disadvantages, but be sure to clearly address the question of whether advantages outweigh disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

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  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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