These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#phones #internet #people #development

These days new

technologies

become more vital in society. The communication system has been completely changed by using

smartphones

and the

internet

. Some do not have a tendency to

use

these

technologies

to connect with others.

While

there are convincing reasons in favour of the downsides of

this

resolution, I strongly vote for the advantages

due to

cheaper

cost

and quicker transfer of

information

around the world. The reasonable

cost

of using

smartphones

and the

internet

to connect to other

people

is one of the main benefits that encourage

people

use

them.

In contrast

with previous ways of connecting

such

as sending letters or telegraphs to send a message, using

smartphones

and the

Internet

does not have any

cost

for us. These new

technologies

do not have any

cost

for

people

to send messages because they do not just

use

them to connect with their relatives or business partners. Normally mobile phones and the

internet

are used for multitasker reasons. As

result

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

, sending messages or connecting with other

people

around the world are the cheapest things that

this

new technology can

cost

In addition

to the cheaper

cost

of using new

technologies

, I believe that the quick transfer of

information

is an undeniable advantage. The speed of

smartphones

and the

internet

to connect us with other

people

around the world is

Rephrase

apply

show examples

vital because most businesses are

laying

Verb problem

relying

show examples

this

connection. So the amount of time it takes to send a message is so important.

For instance

, stock market corporations,

use

these new

technologies

to trade and earn money and because of the competitive environment in their area, each second is important for them to send some

information

. The disadvantages,

however

, cannot be overlooked. Some may claim that using these new

technologies

to have a connection with society is not reliable and we can not trust all

information

that we receive from them.

Moreover

, face-to-face connection’s feeling is something that we can not experience by using

smartphones

and the

internet

, but these reasons are not sensible to compare with the advantages that these new

technologies

have brought to our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

To conclude

smartphones

and the

internet

have advantages and disadvantages in communication’s way between

people

However

, the benefits of using them are outstanding in comparison to the drawbacks.

Submitted by mirhashemim7 on Fri Apr 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be more effectively tied together.

task achievement

Good coverage of the advantages and disadvantages, but be sure to clearly address the question of whether advantages outweigh disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

379 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays the importance of teachers is diminishing due to increased availability of alternative resources to students. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Some people believe today that everyone has a right to access to the Internet and that governments should provide this access for free. Other believe that access to the Internet is not a right and should be paid for like other services. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Public celebrations (national days, festivals) are held in many countries. Some people say that these celebrations are a waste of money and we should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree?

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

If we want to save the future of the planet, we will have to drastically change our way of life. What is your opinion?