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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares the proportion of 4 divers transportations usage throughout the commuting to work in one of European city in 3 separate years 1960, 1980 and 2000. The unit is measured in the percentage.

The bar chart compares the proportion of 4 divers transportations usage throughout the commuting to work in one of European city in 3 separate years 1960, 1980 and 2000. The unit is measured in the percentage.
#bar #proportion #divers #transportations #usage #work #european #city #years #unit #percentage
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The bar graph depicts compare the
rate
 of four different types of transportation
usage
 to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work in European city between 1960 to 2000. It is clear from the graph that the average amount of
usage
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
car and bus were dominated over the period shown. In 2000, the equivalent figure for the bus ranked the lowest
rate
for
Change preposition
at
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 about 15% . In the following , the train reached
to
Change preposition
apply
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20% .
Also
 , the
rate
 of tube
usage
 by
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 raised to 25% . The estimated
rate
 of car
usage
 by European people had increased remarkably peaking at approximately 37% .
On the other hand
 , in 1980 people preferred to use
Correct article usage
the tube
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tube
Fix the agreement mistake
tubes
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 and
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 and had a similar ratio
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 24% .
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the bus climbed to 23% . In
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
 the amount of
buses
Change the noun form
bus
show examples
usage
 rocketed to the highest level. In 1940 the cars represented the lowest
rate
 with
figure
Correct article usage
a figure
show examples
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 5% nearly , we can
also
be see
Change the verb form
see
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 an obvious decrease ratio in
train
Change preposition
between train
show examples
ant
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
tube
Fix the agreement mistake
tubes
show examples
 which covered 20
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 25% in order to that.
Submitted by aldossaryfaten95 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, usage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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