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Writing Samples
Band 6

The maps below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today

The maps below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today
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The diagram displays the changes in Grange
Park
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 which is a public
park
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 in a rectangular shape. The
park
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 was established in 1920. The only building in
this
Linking Words
park
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 was a stage for musicians which is located next to a fountain. The fountain was in the middle of the
park
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 which can notice easily. There are two entrances from Arnold
Avenue
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 or Eldon
Avenue
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. There were three rose gardens around each corner of the
park
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 and a glass house that was created at the other corner on the right-hand side of the Eldon
Avenue
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 entrance. A pond for water plants was opposite the glasshouse. Presently, a lot of properties was added. Starting with, the stage was changed into an Amphitheatre for concerts, the fountain became a rose garden in a square shape surrounded by seats, and the glass house turned to be a water feature.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the pond was replaced by a children’s play area with a café nearby.
However
Linking Words
, the old rose gardens were diminished and have only one left located right next to the Amphitheatre.
Lastly
Linking Words
, both of the entrances still remain, and the underground car
park
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 is now provided and its entrance is on the same side as the Eldon
Avenue
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 entrance.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words park, avenue with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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