IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Increasing travels between countries enable people to learn about different cultures, or to increase tension between people from different countries? Discuss both views.

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Nowadays, it is commonly acknowledged that the spectacular rise of international travel among countries is providing a great opportunity to learn about various cultures.
However
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, some people argue that
this
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 phenomenon augments tension between the masses from different nations.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints, as you will see.
To begin
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 with, the masses travelling to foreign countries can enlighten themselves with the culture of that alien society. They can get familiar with the traditions and customs of that particular region. Since cultural heritage sites and national museums provide a great deal of information about a country's history, foreigners can
know
Verb problem
learn
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 a lot about a particular culture by visiting these places.
In addition
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, they can
also
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 get to know about the work ethic of that nation.
For instance
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, people of Asia can travel to the West to learn about the working habits and workplace environments of Westerners. In
this
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 way, they can enhance their own productivity and competency by improving themselves in order to compete with their counterparts in the Western world.
Therefore
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, travelling to foreign lands can turn out to be fruitful for tourists.
On the contrary
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, international travelling can
arise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 a legion of issues. The most paramount of those would be the heightened tension among travellers and local folks. Owing to the proclivity of some people not being impervious to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
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 of opinion regarding race, creed, religion, colour and language, a plethora of problems could be spawned in society.
This
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 intolerance of the masses can lead to social turmoil and chaos.
For example
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, Africans travelling to the United States will face discrimination because of white supremacy.
Moreover
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, there can arise ethnic tensions among natives and tourists
due to
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 the lack of cultural harmony.
Hence
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, foreign trips can sometimes prove to be detrimental to tourists
as well as
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 the regional population. In a nutshell, it is widely accepted that foreign trips engender tremendous learning opportunities for travellers to discover the abroad culture.
Nevertheless
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, the increase in social and cultural tension is inevitable in
this
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 phenomenon.
This
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 essay discussed both points of view.

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task response
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points. Good use of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there are areas where the ideas could be presented more clearly and comprehensively. Make sure to address all parts of the question and provide specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is mostly clear, but there are some areas where the coherence and cohesion could be improved. One way to strengthen this is to ensure that each paragraph discusses a single main idea and that this idea is then linked to the rest of the essay. Also, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
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