IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods
Some
people
 argue that most
variety
Change to a plural noun
varieties
show examples
 of
people
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
forgot
Change the verb form
forgotten
show examples
 about
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the traditional
festivals
 and their only concern is about enjoying themselves. I believe
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, it’s true
people
 like to enjoy themselves
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
festivals
 but
also
, they didn’t forget their main
reason
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 east Ramadhan good example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
religious
Correct article usage
a religious
show examples
 festival specific time every year
people
 spent
Add an article
a period
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of time daily fasting,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
people
 these days invite each other to their homes and eat their first meal together. Most
people
 look
froward
Correct your spelling
forward
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Ramadhan to
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 it as
holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
show examples
 period rather than
Correct article usage
a religion
show examples
religion
Replace the word
religious
show examples
 practice. Similar
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
seen
Add a missing verb
is seen
show examples
non-religious
Change preposition
in non-religious
show examples
festivals
 too
such
 as Newroz
people
 in
this
 day go
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
camping with their families and friend and
firing
Wrong verb form
fire
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tire and
dancing
Wrong verb form
dance
show examples
 around it.
On the other hand
, I do not believe
people
 have
forgot
Change the verb form
forgotten
show examples
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
reason
 and meaning
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 religious and traditional
festivals
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families mostly play
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teaching their kid’s reasons about the meaning and the
reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 traditional and religious
festivals
. The schools
also
 have
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 role in the term teaching kids about
festivals
.
For example
, in
Ramadhan
Add a comma
,Ramadhan
show examples
people
mostly
Add a missing verb
are mostly
show examples
 seen in
Correct article usage
the mosque
show examples
mosque
Fix the agreement mistake
mosques
show examples
 reading Quran and doing their religious practices
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
 you will see kids
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 month going to
mosque
Correct article usage
the mosque
show examples
 learning to read Quran and tajwid. In conclusion,
people
 like to enjoy themselves during
festivals
, I believe that they are still aware of the
reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these celebrations
Submitted by osamakhateeb1 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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